At last! At long last…

The thick clouds and the grey, dreary sky that is the NFL offseason is about to part for another year, and upon us is another fun, fact filled season of NFL football. Any NFL fan worth his salt is in his or her glory right now, because our beloved teams are about to embark on their annual journeys toward NFL supremacy. The great thing about the beginning of the regular season is, no matter what those “experts” say, every team is on the level. I mean, granted that some teams may be less talented than others (see: The Cincinnati Bengals Project), and some teams may have undergone radical changes (see: The St. Louis Rams Offensive Defense Rehabilitation Project), and still others may be looking to reach new heights with their maturing stars (see: Philly Stakes their Claim on the NFCE crown, or the Cleveland Browns Drive for 5 Wins Project), but the bottom line is that until 1pm eastern this Sunday, every team is statistically equal.

Isn’t it great? I mean, FINALLY the offseason is officially over. Sure, some people may consider the draft as the end of the offseason, and still others consider the beginning of training camps and preseason games the end of the offseason, but not me. For me, the end of the much maligned NFL offseason, occurs when the teams kickoff the early games in Week1, then, and only then, is the offseason officially over. Then we can start looking at stats, at players performances, at wins that actually mean something… oh man, I am getting way too excited…

Time out… (although it took the replacement ref three extra minutes to call it…)

Ok, we are back. The reason for this rambling is to bring you, my readers, some of the reasons why I hate the NFL offseason. I guarantee you there are way too many to mention in this short column, but I figured I would bring you a few of my least favorites. They will not be in my familiar Top Ten format, but rather, a point form, so that I am sure that they will not be ranked, or so that no one reason will seem more important (or less important, yet still hated as much… you still with me? Ok, try to keep up class…) than any of the others. And away we go…

- Hockey. Hockey you say? But I thought SuperZim is a Canadian? Well yes, friends, I am a Canuck, and I do enjoy the occasional hockey game, but the reason it is on this list, is because when the NFL is over, all that is on TV is hockey. You turn on your favorite sports highlights channel? Hockey. You stroll by the water cooler at work? Hockey talk. You head out to your favorite sports pub, and sit with your friends (whose sports knowledge pales in comparison to yours, of course), and the first sport they talk about is…. Hockey. It is enough to drive an NFL fan with a SuperBowl hangover out of his mind, and believe me, it almost does.

- OK, right after the SuperBowl, we are subject to a lot of hockey on the tube, but I guess I can’t rightfully say that that is all that is on, I mean, there is the NCAA Men’s B-Ball Tournament (say it with me now, in your best TV announcers voice… “The Road to the FINAL FOUR!”), but that does not get interesting until mid to late March, by which time, you are sooo out of your office pool, it is not even funny and you don’t even feel like watching, oh yeah and you spend most of your time saying to your buddies, “I knew that the University of Southeastern Midwestern North Dakota was going to make the Elite Eight, but hey, I was playing the averages…”. Another thing with the Final Four, is that not the All-Time best tournament format ever? 64 teams start, and you slim em down to two in less that 30 days, that is a great format (as long as neither Duke or North Carolina is left standing).

- The NBA. I am going to make this statement right now. The NBA as I know it, the Jordan-less NBA, the NBA with highschoolers being drafted #1 overall, the NBA with an MVP who is as misunderstood as he is undersized, the NBA with a championship team who’s playoff run made for as much drama as a Ted Koppel trip to the barber (Just… a… little… of the top), the same NBA who only 10 years ago was the king of all the major sports…………

sucks....

It sucks. Plain and simple. Anyone who knows and/or plays basketball knows that what the NBA calls basketball, is anything but. If you watch a game, all you see is constant double teaming of the other teams best player, who in turn passes the ball to some journeyman role player, who takes a high percentage shot from the elbow of the key. And if the defense doesn’t double team, you see a constant backwards bumping into the defender type of move, where the offensive guy continues to do this until he either a) gets right to the basket and scores, b) gets fouled or c) eventually draws a double team, where we would see the first situation all over again. The NBA, its FANTASTIC!!! (please note the sarcasm).

- The lack of news on anything NFL related. After the ProBowl, everyone goes into hiding it seems. You hear nothing about any player or coach, unless of course, they are involved in something criminal. Your favorite players take a much-needed break, while us fans are left here with a SuperBowl hangover, and NFL withdrawal, and believe me, it makes for a case of the shakes worse than a four day bender during which you drank nothing but Crown Royal n Coke (but that’s another story).

- The NFL Draft. What? I know, I am gonna shock a few with this one, but I am not a fan of the NFL draft, in fact, it is a major contributor into my hating the offseason list. Seriously, the first round is entertaining, and it is nice to see your favorite team in action when they are on the clock, and all those late trades are nice, but I can do without the excruciatingly excessive analysis of these obscure players. I cant get into the draft, mostly because we rarely see an immediate huge impact player come out of the draft, and most times, when there is one, he is a late round steal or one of those “From a small school, who grew up surrounded by gangs, but somehow made it out” type of stories, that ESPN and CNNSI loves to run. The NFL draft is too much hype and not enough substance for me. Now don’t get all up in arms draftniks, I know that the draft is your cup o’ tea and everything, but I say that if you have info on a Sophomore player from Morehead St., why we should draft him, in what round, and what salary we should pay him, you have entirely too much time on your hands. The only fun part of the draft is starting a pool on which highly touted rookie (likely a QB) will be the biggest flop.

- The NFL Europe. Do I need to say anything here? That league is a joke, filled with practice squad-ers and waiver wire types, oh and don’t forget the occasional, trying to get his career back on track story.

- And the last reason I will give you, to show you why I hate the NFL offseason is, NFL Preseason games. OK, they are not all bad, but they are mostly bad, admit it. For one quarter you get to see your favorite players, the starters, take the field against the other squad’s starting defense, but after that, it is pure garbage to watch. I realize that this is when coaches are evaluating players and such, but man is it terrible football to watch! Guys you have never heard of, fighting it out for a limited number of spots on the NFL roster. Most times, you see guys out there just trying NOT to make a mistake, which makes the football about as boring as watching my grandparents in a lawn bowling tournament. Then, on a rare occasion, you see a guy out there who is trying so hard to impress the coaches, he does something a little rash, like that dude from the Broncos who laid that vicious shot on Antonio Freeman’s melon on their Monday Night match up (what was that guy’s name anyway). All in all, the preseason games are not worth watching, you see the vets out there running through the motions, trying to get their timing down while trying not to get hurt, and the rooks out there playing football like…. well…. rooks.

There you have it ladies and gents, some of the reasons why I hate the NFL offseason, as I said, there are others, but with the season so close to being here, those reasons are falling more and more to the back of my mind…. at least until next Feb 28th or so…

Until next time…