It’s Christmas Eve, and I am SOOO in the spirit. Right now I am sitting here in front of my computer with the Christmas tunes playing softly in the background, and a very merry Crown Royal and coke by my side. So in the spirit of giving, I have decided to give you, my readers, a very special gift. In this week’s Top Ten, I am going to lay down some of my favorite movies of all time, and relate them to this week’s football happenings.

Sound OK? Good then, let’s begin…

Number 10

I will start off with a classic 80’s flick starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, called “Commando”. I know most of you are going to say, “What? That movie was so cheesy!” But hear me out. I love this movie for the simple reason that it is the standard by which all movies where it is “one man vs. an entire army” will be measured. Think about it. Arnold’s daughter (a young Alyssa Milano) gets kidnapped and he has to take on an army (literally) to save her. During the movie we have some classic Arny lines, such as:

“Sully, remember when I told you I would kill you last?”

“yyyeeeaaahhh…..”

“I lied.”

(A classic line)

As Arny is holding this Sully guy over a cliff with his left arm trying to get info out of him he says:

“Hurry up Sully, this is my weak arm.”

(Truly great unintentional comedy)

And how can you forget his final line, where he finally beats the bad guy, by literally throwing a pipe through the guy, which then sticks into another pipe:

“Bennett, let off some steam.”

(Great stuff)

So how can you NOT include this in one of your lists of all time great movies? Listen, if you need some proof, go out and rent it, you’ll thank me for it.

OK, so how does this relate to this week’s NFL games? Well, if there is anyone who knows about the “me against the world” feeling it has to be Drew Bledsoe. Bledsoe is a one time ProBowl-er who is sitting on the sidelines with a fat contract, while a rookie leads his team towards the division title. I am still saying that the Pats (mostly Brady) are set up for a let down, and that may be the time where Bledsoe gets to come back in and make something dramatic happen. I am sure it won’t be as dramatic as a few scenes in “Commando” but hey, a guy can dream, can’t he?

Number 9

Next up is the classic movie called “Strange Brew”. This movie stars Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas as Bob and Doug Mckenzie (a.k.a. the Hosers), and in this movie you see a classic story of two fools bumbling their way into saving the world. Please tell me that at least one of you has seen this movie?

For those of you who don’t know what happens, let me break it down for you, really quickly:

These two guys have no money for beer so they go to a beer store and tell the clerk that they found a mouse in a beer bottle, so they want a free two-four of “Elsinore Pilsner”. The clerk tells them that if they will have to take it up with the brewery (which happens to be at the top of a hill right beside the mental hospital), so the hosers go there and while they are there they somehow discover that the brew-master is scheming to poison the beer so that he can control everyone who drinks it by playing a rigged up hockey organ.

Now does that not sound like a great plot? (I still don’t know how the Academy overlooked this one)

So these two hosers end up foiling the brew-master’s plan in a hilarious line of bumbling, stumbling events. And in the end none of them gets the girl, but they both somehow end up with a semi-trailer full of this tainted beer.

This movie can be directly related to the other two bumbling hosers in the NFL, Matt Millen and Marty Morninwheg. These two followed up their emotional win over the Vikings last week, by getting blown up by the Steelers (47-14), but I’ll tell you, don’t give up on these two, because just as in “Strange Brew”, these two guys will figure out a way to get this team back on track (be it accidental or not), but don’t look for them to celebrate their success with a semi load of beer. Don’t ask me why, I just have a feeling on that.

Number 8

Next we have “Mission Impossible”. I love this movie; it has more plot twists than Packer’s corner Mike Mackenzie has dreadlocks. The basic plot is that there is a “NOC” list, which contains all IMF agents’ code names with their real names and info, and someone has stolen it in a mole hunt of an IMF mission. In it we see incredible action while Tom Cruise (his best role this side of A Few Good Men), whom IMF thinks stole the list, bands together with a couple of other disavowed agents to get the list back and figure out who stole it in the first place.

Honestly? The first time I watched this movie, I didn’t get the ending, but I still loved it. Then when I watched it again it all made sense, and made its way onto my all time great movies list.

Well, who in the NFL can also relate to a “Mission Impossible”? I would think that Minnesota Vikings coach Dennis Green is looking at a situation that is all but impossible. His team is out of the playoff race for this season (oh darn! Sarcasm at is finest), and his big money star is becoming more of a head case than Jim Phelps himself. I think Vikings’ owner Red McCombs probably sent this tape to Coach Green before the season:

“Mr. Green, this is for your eyes only. Mr. Green, the Vikings are in dire straights. It seems that their star Randy Moss is suffering from a lack of motivation, and his one time mentor Cris Carter is struggling with the fact that he may have to retire and that the Vikings are not ‘his’ team any longer. Add into that a young QB who wants to show everyone that he was not just an overachiever last season, as well as a defense that has zero playmakers, an offensive line that has lost 4 ProBowl-ers to free agency, and finally a ProBowl running back who has retired from the game in his prime.

Your mission, Mr. Green, should you choose to accept it, is to somehow get this team to the playoffs, while balancing ego’s and offensive touches, and dealing with the loss of a 1500yd rusher. As always Mr. Green should you, or one of your staff fail to complete this mission, you will be ridiculed by the press and eventually fired from the organization, who will disavow any knowledge of your actions or existence.”

Well, it looks like Dennis Green failed his mission, but I don’t think he will get fired, but then again, stranger things have happened.

Number 7

Next up we have the movie “Rounders”, which stars Matt Damon and Edward Norton as two professional poker players who get into trouble with loan sharks and have to try to play their way out of it. In this movie we see the common plot line of “discovering your true self, and dealing with it” when Damon ends up losing his hot girlfriend and law school by helping his buddy “Worm” (played by Norton), and yet in the end, he discovers that playing cards is what he loves best and his buddy is the root of all his problems.

I love this flick for the story, but what got it on my list was the card playing sequences and how Damon could read faces and count cards. It makes the movie what it is, trust me.

(Also, there is just something about movies that are narrated by the star, don’t you think?)

If anyone in the NFL can relate to that “finding your true self” plot line it would have to be the Tennessee Titans. This season they have discovered that this team is only going places on the back of Steve McNair, not Eddie George (although it KILLS me to write that). Jeff Fisher’s QB has discovered that this is his team, and they will only go as far as he will take them, but this revelation came a little too late, as the Titans now sit at 7-7 and are a long shot for a wild card playoff spot.

Number 6

Another movie, which has the “find yourself” plot line, is Rocky III. But that is not the only plot line, as we also see the proverbial “overcoming a huge obstacle” here too, when Rocky has to deal with the fact that Mickey wasn’t giving him the best fighters for title defenses, and when Rocky does face the real #1 contender, Mickey has a heart attack and dies in the midst of a preflight scuffle in a stairwell, so Rocky has to deal with that too. Oh yeah, he gets pummeled in that fight too, so he also has to deal with the fact that he is not the Champ any longer and may just be washed up.

Then along comes Rocky’s old foe (yet his pal too) Apollo Creed, who convinces Rocky to get a rematch and then teaches him to “fight like a colored man”, and helps him regain that “Eye of the Tiger”. Rocky also has to deal with Adrian, who doesn’t want him to fight, and then gets behind him when Rocky finally admits that he is afraid and doesn’t think he can win.

(Side note here: I think Adrian is the worst character in all of those movies, yes, even worse then the bumbling brother, Paulie. All she did in those movies was tell Rocky to quit, and then would tell him to go out and win, which would finally lead to the good part of the soundtracks. Adrian was annoying, Rocky should have left her at home in this movie.)

Anyway, Rocky gets his “Eye of the Tiger” back and ends up beating down Clubber Lang and regaining his title.

(By the way, I think that Mr. T’s Clubber Lang is one of the best bad-guy characters of all time. He was mean, real mean, and he made you feel that he would genuinely jump out of the screen to slap you around. Clubber is right up there with Darth Vader, Kaiser Sose and the Wicked Witch of the West in the bad-guy hall of fame)

Now the team that best personifies the “overcoming huge obstacles” plot line, it would have to be the Chicago Bears. The Bears are at 11-3 for the first time since Vanilla Ice was hot, and they have had to come along way to get there. The Bears have had to overcome the “Cade McNown” era to get to where they are, and they have, with the seasoned Jim Miller at the helm. But I guess that it also helps that they have a killer defense, led by Butkus re-incarnated, Brian Urlacher. Now I have said that this Bears team is more lucky than good, but I guess you do have to be lucky to be good, and although this Bears team is not going to get its “Eye of the Tiger” and be able to beat anyone in the playoffs, they still had a season of “Rocky”-like proportions.

Number 5

Next up we have “Swingers”, the indy movie that made Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau cult legends. This movie has the “overcoming a loss, dealing with it, and being better for it” plot line, but it is shown in a way that will never be done again.

Mike (Jon Favreau) moved from NY to Los Angeles to further his acting career. He left his girlfriend behind in NY and his friends make every attempt to convince him that he's “money” (cool) and should move on, however he is having problems dealing with the loss of his girl. Mike and his out of work - actor friends frequent the local nightspots, mainly in the pursuit of “babies” (girls). Mike's best friend, Trent (Vaughn), takes him on a short trip to Vegas to find “babies”, eventually convincing Mike that he is better off without his ex-girlfriend and not to be “puppy dogs & ice cream” (sensitive) with the ladies.

This movie essentially shaped the way I see things when I was younger and convinced me to do all I can to be “money”, to pursue the “beautiful babies” and that Vegas is the coolest place on the entire planet. Well, to this day, I am still doing my best to be “money” and I still believe that Vegas is the coolest place on the planer (although I haven’t even been there yet), but I am no longer chasing the babies, as I have found my “beautiful baby”, and believe me she is “money”.

(Cant you all just hear those brownie points adding up… somebody pass me an abacus)

Anyway, I think that the team that is best described as “money”, which has overcome the loss of something great and is better for it, is the Baltimore Ravens. They lost Jamal Lewis in preseason, now are scraping by with some journeymen at the RB position, and are still in the playoff hunt. Now I have chided this team in the past for is boring play, but I do have to give the defending champs their props, because to be in the playoff hunt with all that adversity, is truly “money”.

Number 4

Next up we have “the Wizard of OZ”. This movie is on the list not only because of its fantasy story and great characters, but because it uses to scare the bejeezus out of me when I was a kid.

In this flick we have witches, munchkins, scarecrows, tin men, and let’s not forget the lions, tigers and bears (oh my!). We see the star, Dorothy, trying to get to the Emerald City to see the Wizard so that she can get home (she got to OZ by having her house swept up by a tornado), and on the way meets up with a scarecrow who wants a brain, a tin man who wants a heart and a lion who wants courage, and they all make their way there to get help from the Wizard. Dorothy also makes some enemies on this trek, in the form of grumpy, apple throwing trees, and the Wicked Witch of the West who wants to kill Dorothy because Dorothy’s house dropped on her sister (WW of the East), and because Dorothy has fallen witch’s magical ruby slippers, which she obtained unknowingly by doing so. In the end, they kill the Witch (accidentally of course) and all but Dorothy discover that the qualities they seek are inside them already, and Dorothy ends up getting home but thinks that it may have all been a dream.

(what a flick…)

Anyway, I figure that the team who best personifies scarecrows, tin men, lions, Wizards and having the feeling of being in a place they do not know, would be the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers are at 12-2 and have locked up a first round bye, which is really uncharted territory for a lot of the players, but I doubt that any of them will be longing for their sub .500 seasons of past years saying “there’s no place like home… during the SuperBowl”. They also have their versions of those characters too, which are as follows:

The scarecrow: The lanky Plaxico Burress fits this role, as he is coming into his own thanks to the use of his brain and the help of Dorothy (Stewart)

Tin Man: Kris Brown fits this role, as I am not sure their has been a rustier kicker at times this year, God help the Steelers if they have to play in the rain. (rim-shot please!)

Lion: Jerome Bettis fits this role, not because he was once a coward or anything, but just because he plays so strong, as it he received some encouraging words from the Wizard this season.

Dorothy: Kordell Stewart fits this role, the quiet tough person who single-handedly drags the band through its tough times.

Wizard: Has to be Bill Cowher, because what he has done this season is more than magical.

Number 3

Next in line is “Superman: The Movie.”

(You HAD to know this one was in there!)

I am not going to even give a brief synopsis of this movie because if any of you have failed to see this landmark in cinematic achievement, then shame on you. And besides, how could I even do a movie like this justice with a paragraph long description of the greatest movie of all time?

Anyway, this year, I think if there has been anyone who has been even remotely close to putting forth a Superman worthy performance has got to be Brett Favre. Favre is putting up another MVP type performance, and the Packers are back because of it. If you disagree with me, just take this stat as reference for how great Brett Favre is… Favre is 64-10 lifetime at Lambeau Field.

Are you kidding me? 64-10 lifetime? That is amazing…

Number 2

Second last we have “The Usual Suspects.” Now if any of you have failed to see this movie, I have to do the same thing here as I did in Number 3 with Superman, I have to tell you to just go rent it and do yourself a favor. This is a movie like noneother, the plot and storyline are unparalleled, and the acting performances are stellar. All around, it is just a great movie that could not be described in one paragraph.

In the movie, the characters were the guys who were questioned time and time again for any local heist that occurred, making them… that’s right, the Usual Suspects, and that is why I am relating them to the Rams… with me here? Now, if there is one team who can relate to being the Usual Suspects, I think it would be the St. Louis Rams, as they again are the best team in the league, and are favored to win it all.

(I don’t think it’s TOO big of a stretch… do you?)

(And I guess from a Niner fans perspective, the Rams’ version of Kaiser Sose would have to be Kurt Warner. He is the guy who you can’t touch, you can’t shake, and he is the guy we just can’t take down…)

Number 1

You had to know that the 11-3 Niners have earned this spot, didn’t you? Well, the Niners story can relate to another movie on my all time list, and that is “A Few Good Men”. This movie is an outstanding courtroom flick with a star studded cast and some of the most intense movie moments I have ever witnessed.

Our “Few Good Men” would have to be Garcia, Owens, Hearst, Mariucci, BY and Plummer. These are the guys who have led us to the playoffs and will lead us toward the SuperBowl. I related this team to this movie because in the movie, the lawyers have to perform a huge feat by winning a hopeless case where they have no proof, eventually getting a highly ranking marine to admit to it on the stand.

(YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!)

As for the Niners, they have performed a huge feat of their own, in making the playoffs when no one thought they would while having a team out there that has more youngsters than any other. No matter how this season turns out, I will still consider this year a success, because we have pulled a Lt. Caffey type move here and done something that no one though we could (or even would) do.

Until Next Time…