Number 10

If you ever are looking for a reason to get even more involved in the NFL games, go out and place a few bets, and be sure to pick some long shots so your cheap bet can turn into big money. It makes for some good times when watching the games.

But before I go any further, let me lay down the most important rule in betting on sports. Never, and I mean, never bet on your favorite team, because it will only break your heart. If they lose, you have to deal with the fact that they lost the game, and you lost some cash, that is just too harsh. But if they win, you get to have your cake and eat it too. I’m telling you people, more often than not, you will find yourself on the short end of that stick, its just one of those weird laws of nature or something. Besides, even if you do win and lose the next, who wants to deal with those kind of bipolar emotions? Not me, that is why I never bet on the Niners. Never.

Case in point, this Friday, after my 11:30 haircut appointment, I am walking through a local mall in my great city (lookin fine, of course), and I pass a lottery kiosk. I think to myself, “Hey, I got some spare cash… why not?” So I stroll over to the kiosk and take a look at some of the odds on the games for this weekend. I then decide I am gonna buy two separate tickets, placing a whopping two dollars on each one.

My tickets look like this:

Ticket 1                                  Ticket 2
DAL at NYG – DAL to win                   DAL at NYG – NYG to win
TB at GB – TB to win                      CAR at MIA – MIA to win
NE at ATL – NE to win                     JKV at TEN – TEN to win
CAR at MIA – CAR to win                   PHI at ARZ – PHI to win
IND at BUF – BUF to win                   KC at SD – KC to win
                                          SEA at WSH – WSH to win

Bet: $2 – Potential Prize: $3055.87       Bet: $2 – Potential Prize: $112.44

Ok, so I am watching the games and I see Dallas jump out to a 17-0 lead over the Giants, good stuff, I am suddenly more interested in that game. Then I see that Tampa Bay is leading Green Bay, more good stuff. Carolina and Miami are close, that’s ok. New England is beating up on Atlanta; Chandler is out, great stuff. Buffalo is crapping the bed against Indy, this is bad stuff.

So then I turn to Mrs. SuperZim-to-be and say something that deep down I knew was going to alter the events of every single game I had bet on, and yet I still said it, karma be damned! I said, to Mrs.SuperZim-to-be “Hey, you know what? If Carolina can get their act together and Buffalo gets it going late like they did last week against San Diego, I may have an extra 3 large in my pocket come Monday!”

Mrs. SuperZim-to-be looks up from her magazine, completely uninterested, and says, “That’s great…”

I then realized what I had said. I could almost hear the thunder and lightening crashing in the background. All that was missing was the little mini cloud that should have formed over my head and started pouring rain on me, as it did to so many characters on the Flintstones.

Then, right on cue, the Giants begin their comeback. Miami widens the gap and Wienke gets yanked. Rob Johnson fumbles for the 176th time this season and the Colts have that game in hand. Then, to rub salt in my wounded wallet, Green Bay wins the game late, in exciting fashion.

Yeah, really exciting. If I had won that 3 grand off of a two dollar bet, I would have been the poster child for Pro-Line sports betting. I would have gone to their offices wherever they are and asked to be their pitchman. But, I did not win, and to make things worse, the Lions had just gone up 7-0 on an INT for a TD over the Niners. I was loading my shotgun.

Then, Mrs. SuperZim-to-be says, “What about your other ticket? Is that one finished too?” “I don’t know… lemme check it out”, I say. I look down at the other ticket, just realizing that I had been neglecting it the entire day, because its prize was so much smaller than the long shot ticket. I looked at it. I looked closer.

Giants had won, that’s one game right. Miami had one, that’s two games right. Washington had the game in hand against Seattle, and eventually won it, that’s three games right. Philly was beating up on Arizona, and won that one, that’s four games right. The only games worrying me were the close Ten / Jax game and the KC / SD game. Tennessee won it in thrilling fashion, without having to rely on a kicker (for once), that’s five games right. Then, as if to impose parity in my own life, Priest Holmes carries the Chiefs down to the red zone (en route to a 181yd day, amazing) and Tony Richardson punches it in from one yard out. That’s all six games right. I had won. It is a small amount of money, but it is still 50 times more than I placed on that little piece of paper last Friday.

To make a long story short (too late, I know), I am now 112.44 dollars richer, I now have a renewed appreciation for karma, and although the finishes were too close for comfort, it made me realize something…

That is why I watch the NFL…

Number 9

I love the way Ahman Green runs the football. His form is damn near perfect, and he loves to initiate contact. He is going to be really good for that Packers team, for a long time. But then again, I said that about that Terrel Davis guy, and look at him now.

Uh oh. I have just dared karma again, in fact, I have set the stage for TD to go off for 200+ yards on MNF (because I wrote this Monday AM). We will see, stay tuned, keep reading.

Number 8

Do you and your sports buddies ever do silly things like make up your own rosters, consisting of players who fit a certain stereotype or play a certain way? You know what I am talking about, don’t you? You know, like one guy will assemble his “All Injury Prone Team”, another will state his “All White Kick Returner Team”, yet another might chime in with his “All Fat Guy Team”. Can you see where I am going with this? I think I will assemble a couple of team myself, but it will take some work. Here they are, and here are a couple players that will be on it:

“All Mullet Team” – Players: Doug Flutie, Martin Grammatica, Randy Johnson

“All NFL Players with Odd Looking Small Shoulder Pads Team” – Players: Reggie White, Regan Upshaw, every NFL punter

An All Sport “All Afro Team” – Players: Ben Wallace, Moochie Norris, Dr. J, Kobe Bryant, Donovan McNabb, Barry Sanders, Tony Rice, Jessie Barfield.

I think John Madden should come up with a couple of these teams, does anyone know how to get hold of him?

Number 8A

Speaking of Afro’s. What in the world is going on with Leslie Visser’s hair? I saw her interviewing a player after a game, sorry the game and player escape me, I was mesmerized by Visser’s coif. Her hairstyle was the worst thing this side of Latrell Sprewell. Her hair had so many things going on, it looked like she had a whole farm full of cowlicks happening there. Sheesh, CBS really needs to get rid of her, with her in front of the camera, I couldn’t even concentrate on what the player was saying. I was like “What the? Is that really her hair? Wait, who was that? What happened?” You see how dangerous this is?

Number 7

If I were Kris Brown, I would be calling in sick all week. Bill Cowher “in fear” is gonna go up one side of him and down the other, and then probably send him and his 1 for 5 day out of town forever. Brown pulled the biggest choke job ever, this side of Ray Finkel (laces OUT!). How can you go 1 for 5? Is it not his only job to kick it through the uprights? Man, I wonder how many more teams are going to fall prey to the “kicker chokes and costs his team the game” syndrome again? We see this all the time don’t we? I don’t know about you, but I would never feel comfortable trusting the game on the foot of some eccentric kicker. That game was a good one though, I enjoyed watching the 127yr old Randall Cunningham play QB again, and I must say that Kordell Stewart is coming along for the Steelers this season, he is playing the way the Steelers have always wanted him to.

Oh yeah, that hit that Ray Lewis put on Jerome Bettis, was the hit of the season, thus far. I have never seen Bettis get rocked like that before. Wow.

Number 6

Mike Brown is the Chicago Bears’ “Johnny on the Spot”, and it is not a bad place to be. I bet you he is the most popular guy in Chicago today not named Walter Payton. I haven’t seen a turn of events like what happened in that Browns / Bears game, well, ever. I have seen a few Hail Mary’s work, but nothing like what happened there. I bet you I could throw a package of Twinkies into a pit of 250 starving lineman and Mike Brown, and it would end up in Brown’s lap, as he was looking the other way. That dude needs to go buy some lottery tickets, and soon!

Number 5

Is Washington back on track now or what? A three game streak now has them in the thick of the NFC East, well, it looks like I was wrong about Marty Schottenheimer, or was I? Everyone knows that winning cures all that ails you, and that appears to be the case right now. Suddenly Tony Banks is looking “comfortable” and “mature” in this offense, and that defense is coming around. Well, I won’t be placing any of my careful 2-dollar bets on Tony Banks in the future, even though I bet on him this week. Ki-Jana Carter is having a bit of a comeback in Washington isn’t he? Man, that Washington roster looks a lot like the “Island of Misfit Toys” from the animated classic “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”, doesn’t it? Just a thought.

Number 5A

Here are some random, one line thoughts from this week…

- I thought Shane Matthews was cut by the Bears only two or three weeks ago

- If Eric Dickerson and Beasley Reece were to get into a fistfight, my 2-dollar bet would be on E.D.

- I cant say the same about a match up between Melissa Stark and Suzy Colber though, Suzy looks like she could kick some ass

- Coach’s Challenges take too long

- Trent Dilfer needs to start the rest of the way for Seattle, this is not open for discussion

- Is there a better name in the NFL than Kwame Lassiter?

- My Top 5 receivers in the NFL? Owens, Harrison, Moss, Rod Smith and Boston (that’s right, David Boston)

- Troy Hambrick looks a whole lot like Chris Warren, with the way he runs and wearing #42

- Jimmy Smith is big time underrated

Number 4

If Fred Taylor could ever stay healthy, Jacksonville would be one helluva football team, don’t you think? If the Jags had some depth, they could run with the big boys, I am sure of it. But unfortunately Taylor is a star on my latest All-whatever team, the “All NFL Running Backs who are Injury Prone and Washed Up Team”, he stars along side Terrel Davis, Jamal Anderson, Ki-Jana Carter, Curtis Enis and Terry Allen.

Number 3

Who are the New Orleans Saints? They must have been suffering from a serious Rams victory hangover, because they played a stinker of a game against the Jets Sunday night. Did they really miss Willy Roaf or what? The Jets are the worst team in the league against the run, and the Saints couldn’t get it going against them, not even a little. The Saints are the NFC’s version of the Broncos right now, they are a talented yet inconsistant team that I wouldn’t place a bet on if my life depended on it. They are winning the games they are supposed to lose, and losing the games they are supposed to win. These enigmatic teams are killing us fans who try to predict games, and as the season goes on, it is only going to get worse.

How about Kyle Turley? Talk about losing your cool at the most inopportune of times! I know he was trying to protect his QB, but he also may have cost his team the game. Man, that was the craziest scene so far in this wacky NFL season. That turn of events really shows that football is a game of violence, controlled violence for the most part, but sometimes people just go off.

Number 2

I mentioned a few Top Ten’s ago that the Titans / Ravens rivalry was the best in football right now. Please forgive me for that insane comment, I don’t know how I could leave out the Oakland / Denver rivalry, as this one is right up there with it. The Raiders and Broncos played a great game last night, and Rich “Loose” Gannon played a superb football game. Terrell Davis played a decent game too, after coming off his 54th knee surgery since 1998, he had 17 carries for 70yds, very respectable.

What is with the Oakland Raiders? These guys have two of the fiercest rivalries in all of football, with their hatred for the Broncos and the Chiefs. I don’t know of any team with two such harsh rivals, and when they play, it is hyped up to the max. Am I the only one who thinks this is weird? Maybe its just me… This is the season of breaking the long losing streaks, isn’t it? The Eagles snapped their 8 gamer, and last night the Raiders busted out of their 7 game funk. This reminds me of why I watch the NFL, and why this league is so great. You just never know what is going to happen…

Number 1

The Niners are at 5-2, but this house is not a peaceful one, not by a long shot. There is some serious trouble brewing between TO and Mooch, and if it doesn’t get squashed really soon, it could turn our great season sour in a hurry. I find it funny how much a superstar can get away with, don’t you? If some Joe Blow receiver had said those things about Mooch, he would have been thrown out of town faster than you can say Jim Druckenmiller. I also think that this bickering through the media is not the best way of doing things. I think TO and Mooch need to sit down together and get this thing resolved, Larry Brown-Allen Iverson style. Because if they don’t, it could affect TO’s performance, and this team’s chemistry. Get it settled boys, don’t make us call Mr. Walsh in here!

Also, that helmet to helmet unnecessary roughness personal foul call that the refs made on Plummer was an absolute joke. This is football guys, it’s a contact sport. If you want to avoid getting hit, take up chess.

Until Next Time…