Zim’s Top Ten…

Hey faithful readers, welcome back! For those of you who care, there was no Top Ten last week, for no other reason that it was Thanksgiving up here in Canada, and I succumbed to the effects of tryptophan, which put me in hibernation for the better part of the week. Mmmm… gravy…. Good times…

Well, this week at the Top Ten we are featuring what are often called “trap games” for some teams who are flying higher than Paris Hilton’s hemline. However, in my constant effort to buck the proverbial sportswriting trends, I will refer to these games as the “Vern Troyer Overlookable Games of the Week”.

But before I get started, let me just get one thing straight. Are you telling me that someone actually walked into an executive’s office at Walt Disney and said, “I have got a great idea for a movie… let’s make a George of the Jungle 2”? Seriously, why do people green light these obviously laughable failures? If I were a Disney exec, I would never ok that production in a million years, and not even the say so from Walt himself would change my mind. Argh… Also, would you, as a director of such a crappy flick, actually put that on your resume? I mean, if any director has a movie so bad that it doesn’t even go to theatres, do they avoid talking about it like the time they got really drunk and hooked up with the ugliest chick in the bar? Does anyone else wonder about these things?

Anyway, back to the matter at hand…

Now that I can again fasten my belt to the same old notch, I bring you Zim’s Top Ten for Week 7! Brought to you by Warren Sapp, the player who has officially crossed the line from “intense, fiery player” to “shameless idiot”.

Number 10 – Quick Week 6 Thoughts
- Man, Chicago is a bad football team, aren’t they?
- The Niners / Seahawks game was not a good showing for either club. I have never seen a game where both teams tried so hard to lose it.
- The Chiefs won a thriller in Lambeau, but really, the Packers should have put them away early in the 4th quarter.
- What in the world is up with Oakland? Oh my, they are an atrocious unit right now.
- How impressive is Steve McNair?
- Kudos to Carolina for winning a close one over the Colts, but I think that the Panthers are lucky the Colts didn’t get their hands on it one last time.
- Where is Buffalo’s offense? Also, their vaunted D made Vinny look about 10 years younger.
- Holy crap, look out for Dallas people, they have a real “Patriots of 01-02” thing going right now.

Number 9
Speaking of the Pats, what in the world do they think they are doing? Did any of you have them pegged to be atop to AFCE at this point in the season? I know I didn’t. Not by a long shot. With all of the missing starters the Pats have, I had them pegged as playing over their heads or inspired just to spite that very fact. Now I have come to a different conclusion. This team is well coached. Also, they are a gritty, tough football club. Remember, it wasn’t too long ago that they were the world champs, and you don’t just forget about that feeling or what it took to get there.

Of course, having said that, they will promptly take a nosedive en route to a 5 game losing skid.

Also, that bomb from Brady to Brown in OT was one of the most beautiful throws I have seen in a while. There is nothing like a tight spiral to get me going on a Sunday afternoon.

Number 8
Why is it that the Eagles and Giants always play such an unbearably ugly form of football? Seriously, these two teams are the worst teams in the league to watch. There is no pizzazz, no excitement, and apparently, no talent.

Uggh…

Here is how I feel when watching these two teams on Fox. These two teams are the ugly girl in school who still keeps getting attention from the guys because we are not quite sure if she would be so ugly if she did her hair and makeup a little different, and she seems to have a slammin’ body underneath that librarian wardrobe. You are intrigued to see if things could be different. You wonder if she could be some super hot chick who just doesn’t know how to do herself up right. You feel like Indiana Jones for crissakes, you could be on the brink of a historic, lucrative discovery. The lure and potential is there, but when you get close enough to really know, you are horrified to learn that your worst fears are true. There is no potential, there is no lure, and there is no slammin’ body.

Am I the only one who feels this way about these two teams? (And don’t ask how I came up with that analogy… no, seriously… don’t ask… just drop it, ok?)

If Fox subjects me to another snorefest between the Eagles and Giants ever again, I swear I might just gouge my eyes out with chopsticks. Please Fox, don’t do this to us again. I like my eyes.

Oh, I forgot to mention something. Does anyone realize that Donny McNabb is 33rd in the NFL in passer rating right now? 33rd! That puts him below Kordell Stewart for crying out loud! Oh man, there is serious reason to worry in Philly.

Number 7
Ok, I will now officially state that the Cincinnati Bengals are no longer the worst team in the NFL. In “Vern Troyer Overlookable Game of the Week #1”, the Ravens came in to Cincy riding high. They had just demolished the woeful Cardinals and were atop their division. With the Bengals on the slate, they had a good chance at putting a stranglehold on their division. So, what did they do? The Ravens laid an egg. The Bengals badly outplayed them, and while the score was relatively close, this game was not. The Bengals were better prepared for this game than the Ravens, a fact which must come as a breath of fresh air to Cincy fans. Congrats Bengals… Bungles no more.

As a side note… Put that flowery necklace around Chad Johnson’s neck right now. Give him one of those butt-ugly ProBowl jerseys because that cat flat out deserves to be there. Other than Marvin Harrison, who is better in the AFC right now? Nobody. Through six games this cat already has 550+ yards and 4 TDs, which puts him on pace to haul in 85 balls for about 1500yds and 11 scores. Not bad, not bad at all. Even for a Bengal.

Number 6
The “Vern Troyer Overlookable Game of the Week #2” was the Cleveland / San Diego game. Cleveland was coming off a stirring victory over the once proud Raiders and Tim Couch was looking like the QB the Browns want him to be, while the Chargers were stumbling in as the only winless team in the NFL.

So what happened? Well, the Browns left little more than a skid mark at home…

I guaranteed a buddy of mine that San Diego would win this game, and while he is a Chargers fan and I pity him (mostly because the Niners demolished his Chargers in SuperBowl XXIX 49-26… remember that Grad?) I had to give him the fact that his team would win this week. It’s a good thing too, because Marty’s chair must have been getting a little warm in San Diego, and it would have nothing to do with the weather. It’s too bad the Chargers play in the same division as the Chiefs and Broncos, because those are divisional games that they will be hard-pressed to win. Yikes, it’s going to be a long year in Charger-land.

Number 5
The “Vern Troyer Overlookable Game of the Week #3” pitted a surging Dallas team against a feisty Lions squad who had just come off two relatively close losses to two good football teams. I had this pegged as a game that Dallas was destined to lose. Boy was I wrong.

The Cowboys hammered the Lions 38-7, which has me asking the question: Is there a coach who has better control of his team right now? Bill Parcells has his troops believing in him so much, he could march them right off a cliff without them even thinking to ask why. That is refreshing, don’t you think? I mean, suddenly a head case like Terry Glenn is a team guy who has kept out of trouble. That in its self is an amazing feat for a coach. Also, is there any doubt as to whose team this is? Have you even heard the name Jerry Jones lately? I know I haven’t.

Now, you will remember that in this very column I loudly questioned Bill Parcells coaching ability. I called him over-rated and out of touch with today’s NFL. Apparently, I am an idiot.

Number 4
The “Vern Troyer Overlookable Game of the Week #3” had the defending SuperBowl champion Tampa Bay Bucs sailing into the ‘Stick to face the struggling 2-4 49ers. While this game wasn’t exactly an overlookable game from the Bucs standpoint, as they had blown that lead and lost to the Colts on MNF the previous week, they were stilled favored in the 49ers house.

This game was a huge one for the 49ers, and they responded in a big, big way. Never mind that if they Niners had lost this game and fallen to 2-5 effectively out of the playoff race, or that things had been so bad in the Bay Area for the past 3 weeks that you would think the Niners were winless, or even that the QB and the star WR (in a contract year, no less) were not exactly on good terms. Never mind all that. The Niners remembered that embarrassing playoff loss to the Bucs last year and they wanted some payback. Payback they got. In a big, big way.

The Niners now sport a 3-4 record, and have been in every one of their losses but one. In fact, those 3 of those losses have been by a combined total of 5pts. Now, I am not just saying this because I am a fan, (yes I am… who am I kidding?) I think that the Niners are a lucky bounce and an educated player away from being 6-1.

There is one more thing about this game that I have to mention. Isn’t it odd how we haven’t seen Terrell Owens go off on a tirade in the past two weeks? I mean, isn’t it weird how the most vocal player in the league hasn’t really said a peep. Wonder why? Well, I can tell you. It’s because TO has had a rather large case of the “dropsies” in recent weeks. You can’t complain much about losing games when you are getting the ball thrown to you as much as you want, but you have been dropping passes all over the place. Until TO stops dropping easy catches, he does not have the right to criticize anyone.

Number 3
In “Vern Troyer Overlookable Game of the Week #4” we saw the high-flying Kansas City Chiefs face the lowly Oakland Raiders on the biggest stage football has to offer. This was a perfect game for the Chiefs to lose, and more importantly, the Raiders to win. The Raiders, who won the AFC last year (seems like a long time ago, doesn’t it?) have been playing terribly this year and really needed to get back on track. They had Jerry Porter coming back, a player who a lot of experts had identified as the missing spark plug to their offensive engine. The Chiefs, on the other hand, had just come off an emotionally draining win over the Packers in Lambeau.

A perfect letdown game, right?

Well, not exactly. Let’s give these Chiefs some credit. They are a talented, well-coached football team whose only real weakness these days will come in the form of over-confidence. This game was kind of listless and uninspired, don’t you think? I mean, the Chiefs didn’t really go for the throat like they have been doing. I thought when Rich Gannon went down with that shoulder injury that the Chiefs would just pour in on and run away with the game. Instead, the chose to play conservative and grind out the clock, which damn near cost them the game. Had it not been for a Phillip Buchanan fumble, this game might have looked a lot different. Oh well, that is how things go sometimes, the good teams get the lucky bounces while the struggling teams don’t. It’s an unwritten law of science I think.

Another thing, for those of you who are Raiders fans, are you not even a little concerned that the Raiders seemed to gain confidence the minute Marques Tuiasosopo entered the game? I mean, they looked like a whole different team, didn’t they? They played with urgency and hustle with Marques under center, and I would think that Bill Calahan had to notice it too.

Number 2
Who gets your vote for MVP right now?

Priest Holmes? Nope.
Dante Hall? Nope.
Ahman Green? Nope.
Daunte Culpepper or Randy Moss? Double nope.

Right now, the MVP of the NFL is Steve McNair. No question. Man, this dude is playing like a god these days. Now McNair has always been a good player who somehow managed to win games for his team, but his stats were always just average. Things are different this year folks, really different. McNair boasts a passer rating of 106.8 through 7 games and has only 2 INTs to his 12 TD passes. That is very impressive. Even more impressive is the fact that he has only 81 rushing yards this season, and while that is a paltry number, the reason I think it is impressive is because McNair has always been labeled as a running QB. He is in his prime right now, and no one is playing better.

Now, if the Titans could just figure out a way to prevent losing games that they shouldn’t, they will be a very tough team to beat. By the way, I am still standing by my prediction that they will win the AFC.

Number 1
I never thought I would say this, but I have to admit that I like to watch the Minnesota Vikings play football. While they are one of the teams that I dislike more than most, I still must say that I am a fan of how the play the game. They play with this looseness about them, almost as if they were scrimmaging in a sandlot somewhere as opposed to the dreadful Metrodome.

Also, I really like their coach. Mike Tice seems less like an NFL head coach and more like a carpenter every time I see him. Does he remind anyone of the Dad from “the Wonder Years”? Maybe it’s just me. Anyway, he also has a great relationship with this team right now doesn’t he? It is a stark contrast from what Parcells is doing, but the result is the same.

Now, as for Randy Moss, I am still not sold on the whole “he’s grown up” theme, but I do have to admit that the play he made to Moe Williams late in the first half of their 28-20 victory over the Broncos was nothing short of amazing. That is a play you would make, as I said before, in some sandlot with your buddies, NOT in an NFL contest. That was a great, great play and it is truly indicative of their style of play this year.

And even though it kills me to say this… I am looking forward to see what they do next week…


Well, that’s the Top Ten for this week folks, but before I go, let me just say one more thing.

Here at Zim’s Top Ten, we are fans of the SpikeTV show called “The Joe Schmo Show” and with its final episode airing tonight; we are officially starting the “Matt Kennedy Gould Misdemeanor Arrest/Embarrassing Moment Watch”. With the humiliation this guy has incurred he has also earned his fifteen minutes of fame. So, with regular guys like Matt, that fame is going to cause him to make an unwise choice, it’s inevitable. And when he does, we will be here to laugh about it. Look for weekly updates in this column.

Until Next Time…

Zim can be reached at superzim@49ersparadise.cjb.net Email him with comments, questions or stories about Matt Kennedy Gould a.k.a. Joe Schmo.