Well… As Christmas fast approaches (are YOU done your shopping?) my thoughts often turn towards the famous Christmas characters and famous Christmas songs. So in this week’s Top Ten, I will try to incorporate a few of them.

Also in this week’s Top Ten, you will find the conclusion to the big match up between my Dad (the Dolphins fan) and myself, where I stray away from my own rules on sports betting! Actually what you read will surprise you, as I was surprised as to what happened.

So let’s go… Shall we?

Number 10

The first Christmas character that comes to mind for me is the ever-present “Grinch that Stole Christmas”, and this character can be directly related to referee Terry McAulay and his crew that stole a potential game winning drive from the Browns.

This situation has been talked and written about extensively since Sunday, so I guess I owe it to you guys to chime in on it, in my own way. Honestly, have you ever seen such a blatant display of incompetence in your entire football life? I know I haven’t. I have no idea how McAulay can justify his decision, and I have no idea how he was even forced to make such a decision. You would think that the ones officiating the game would actually have a grasp on the rules of the game. You would think that the officials in the booth, whose job it is to work solely on replay, would actually know that you cannot review or use replay on a play once another one has been run.

Well, I guess we give those officials a little too much credit.

What I love is how the officials all got together to get their story straight after the game, in an effort to save their own collective asses. I can imagine that conversation…

“Ok, so like, I know that we totally blew that call. But what are we going to do?”

“Well, we can always try to shift the blame away from ourselves.”

“Great idea, that way, the fans and media will know that we actually have no spines, and are as incompetent as we look!”

“Yeah! So then, we’ll just blame it on the buzzer that I wear. We’ll just say that it malfunctioned!” (How sad is that?)

If I were Paul Tagliabue, I would have got on the horn to those cats and not only made them go out and finish the game, but make them reverse that asinine call. Everyone and their blind dog knows that it should never have been replayed in the first place, so Tags should have just made it right, right then and there, he should have told McAulay to go out and say “I am an ass, 2nd down Cleveland”. But instead, he made them go out and make Jacksonville run two useless kneel-down plays amidst the most hostile crowd I have ever seen and the shower of plastic Miller Light bottles. What a shame.

Oh yeah, and that whole beer bottle throwing incident? Well, I am not even going to give those idiotic Cleveland fans the pleasure of commenting on it, except to say, you people are pathetic.

(Ok refs; let’s see if you can top THAT one next week! Where is Kirk Triplett’s crew officiating next week anyway?)

Number 9

I love that song that starts with “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire”, that is a song that truly gets me in the Christmas spirit. Now if there is anyone who can relate to roasting nuts, I think it would be Jim Mora. The Colts did win on Sunday, effectively yanking Mora’s… ummm… “peripherals” out of the fire for at least a week. The Colts finally showed some offensive explosiveness and blew up Atlanta 41-27, but even that win doesn’t keep them from having to accept the “Rich Jenson Disappointment of the Year Award”. Congrats on the award Colts, and we’ll see you at the SuperBowl… in the stands.

(For those of you who missed the column where I explained the “Rich Jenson Disappointment of the Year Award”, shame on you, and click here to read that column, point #9. Oh yeah, and try not to get behind again!)

Number 8

The timeless classic “Jingle Bells” is next on my mind, and who better to relate this one to than Tom “I got my head taken off” Brady.

If that wasn’t the hit of the year, I don’t know what was.

Brady was half sliding in for a short gain, when he got absolutely hammered by a Bills defender (I don’t recall who) and his helmet came flying off (literally) and landed about 13yds behind the play. What a hit, and I bet whoever did it is getting high-fives in the Bills film room this week, also he will be getting a dreaded phone call from the league.

You know that noise you make when you see a hit like that? It kind of goes like this, “Whoa-oooooooohhh!” and is usually followed up by a “Daaaaaammmmnnnn!” or two. Actually, I made both of those sounds and even laughed out loud when I saw that. But Tom Brady got the last laugh when the Pats won again, putting themselves in prime position for the playoffs.

(Does Drew Bledsoe even play for the Pats anymore? I was just wondering.)

Number 7

Next we have “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, and I think that the line in that song where it says “laugh and call him names” can CERTAINLY apply to Bill Grammatica and his contribution to the ever growing list of “All-time Bonehead Plays in the NFL”. Is that not one of the funniest things you have ever seen in your life? I think a kicker getting injured while celebrating a meaningless 42yd field-goal ranks as at least a 13.5 out of 10 on Bill Simmons’ “Unintentional Comedy Scale”.

Seriously, Bill Grammatica, I have to say this to you…

You are a complete and utter moron! There are morons, and then there is you.

Not only did he injure himself unnecessarily, he also seriously hampered him team’s chance to win the game. Because of that injury, the Cards were forced to go for it on every 4th down because they had no field goal kicker, when a couple field goals would have made the game a whole lot different. The Cards’ safety Pat Tillman had to do kickoffs for crissakes! Oh well, I guess Billy G will have until next season to think about that, and to try to come up with a different way of celebrating meaningless field-goals.

(As a side note, how much do you want to bet me that Bill’s brother Martin NEVER does that idiotic celebration EVER AGAIN?)

Now on the other side of the ball we had the New York Giants (runner-up for the RJDOTY Award), and their ugly uninspired play for almost the entire game. The Giants won this game on a late game drive that was both inspired and impressive. You want to know why the Giants won that game? It is because the played with a sense of urgency. They played as if this were their last drive of the season, and it brought out the best in them. Now, the trick will be for Jim Fassel to get his players to play like that all the time, because that is the team that got the dance last year, not this listless, boring bunch we have seen all season.

Number 6

We’ll get away from the Christmas references for the rest of the column now…

I said the Detroit Lions got an early gift in the form of their first win, and it couldn’t come at a better time. The Lions broke out of a 12-week funk by hanging the loss of the year on the Minnesota Vikings, and the best part is that we got to see Matt Millen celebrate a win for once, instead of agonizing over another close loss. But this one was not without its drama though, and I bet Millen was sweating buckets for those last 6 minutes until the Lions held on a 4th down play at midfield.

Remember last week, when I said that these guys HAVE to win one, and I was wondering when they were going to put forth a “win one for the gipper” type effort. Well, they did both, but they still didn’t “win one for my wallet” as I said last week, because a 3pt win still counts as a tie in the betting world!

Thanks Lions, you bunch of bums, thanks a lot… (Just kidding… Congrats on that first win.)

(Oh yeah, does anyone else think that Lions QB Mike McMahon is an exact spitting image of Ichabod Crane? Is it just me?)

Number 5

When you sit around with your football buddies to watch a game and talk football, what is the conversation like? If you’re like my buddies and I, you will find that there is a whole lot of the word “hate” being loosely thrown around. It’s weird; in fact, I found it rather disturbing. We were sitting around our favorite sports bar on Sunday at about Noon (we weren’t out that early, we had a basketball game at 9am that day, and we went out for breakfast afterward and we stayed there) and we started to talk about the upcoming games, because we were going to place some good sized bets on them. Here is what the conversation sounded like (I was there with guys named Mike, Miles, Bill and Jeff):

Me- “Who do you like in the Pittsburgh / Baltimore game?”

Mike – “I hate Baltimore. Kris Brown sucks. Do you know he has missed 11 field goals this season?”

Bill – “Pittsburgh.”

Miles – “I hate that Ray Lewis guy, I like the Steelers too.”

Jeff – no comment

Bill – “Who are we going to pick in the Niners / Dolphins game?”

Me – “NO! Don’t ever pick your favorite team! Rule #1 sports betting, Bill! Are you crazy or something?”

Bill – “Yeah. Ok Zim, we all read your column. But I hate the Niners, so why not pick it?”

Mike – “I don’t like that game, leave it out.”

Jeff – “Niners will win.” (a man of few words)

Miles – “I hate those (bleeping) 49ers.”

Me – “(bleep) you, Miles.”

Mike – “Did you see Bill Gramatica hurt his knee celebrating a field goal on Saturday?”

Bill (laughing) – “Yeah, that was brutal!”

Me – “I hate kickers, they are a necessary evil in football if you ask me.”

Miles – “I hate when kickers get all excited after kicking a field goal.”

Me – “You know what? There has been a whole lot of the word ‘hate’ thrown around here so far. Who do we like?”

Mike – “In today’s games? I like the Colts.

Bill – “The Dolphins.”

Me – “(bleep) you, Bill.”

Miles – “I say we gotta take the three D’s. Denver, Dallas, and Detroit. Oh yeah, and I hate the coffee here.”

Can you see a trend there? It’s weird isn’t it? Without even knowing it, we all were saying that we “hated” this team or that team. Not once did any of us say that we “loved” this team or this player. Do any of you ever see this in your conversations? Maybe its just me, but I bet if you pay a little more attention next time, you will see that it is a common trend. Trust me on that.

Number 5A

In that same conversation, I said to Mike that we had better pick the Titans in their game against the Packers, because the Packers were primed for a letdown, and my Murphy’s Law of Pessimism was telling me so. I was right, and I’ll tell you what that same pessimistic law is telling me for a couple other teams.

The Bears (who are more lucky than good) are primed for a letdown, most likely on defense. Look for them to get blown up by either Detroit or Jacksonville. Don’t ask, I just have a feeling.

The Steelers are also getting ready for a letdown, and it will most likely come in the form of a Kordell Stewart 4INT day, and look for either Cincinnati or Cleveland to do that to them. Again, just a feeling. Oh yeah, Pittsburgh WILL meet Oakland in the AFC championship game. You heard it here first.

The New England Patriots are setting themselves up for a huge letdown, and that one will come in the form of a beating at the hands of the Dolphins next week.

And finally, the Rams are also setting themselves up for a letdown, as they are flying too high right now. Look for them to lay an egg before the season is out, and that one will come at the hands of either Carolina or Indy.

I hate to say these things about these teams, and their feel-good stories so far this season, but in my experience, nothing goes THAT well for the entire season. We will see.

Number 4

I am going to say this right now; Kurt Warner is damn good. I know, I know, this isn’t real news, but if any of you saw that MNF game last night where Warner sliced and diced the Saints (once-vaunted) secondary to the tune of 338yds, 4TDs and ZERO interceptions, you would be as impressed as I am.

On the other side of the ball, Aaron Brooks was his usual inconsistent self, never really getting into the game and throwing an ill-advised interception late in the 4th quarter that effectively sealed the deal for the Rams.

This was a good game, but it will forever be scarred by another incident where some lowbrow fans started to throw beer bottles on the field after a glaringly obvious pass interference penalty against the Saints. What goes through a person’s mind when you decide to start throwing things onto the field? Were they thinking, “This flying plastic Miller Lite bottle, may just make those refs reverse that call!”

Again, I am not going to go off on this subject, because I don’t think it is even worth talking about. All I have to say is that I sincerely hope this does not become a trend in the league. (And, oh yeah, I’ll bet you $100 it never happens in San Francisco.)

Number 3

In last week’s column I set the stage for Doug Flutie to have a huge game, one of those “Screw You Sportswriters and Critics” kind of games. In fact, I even said that if Flutie did go off for a good game, I would start and end each point of my Top Ten with the line “Doug Flutie is great and I don’t know Jack about football”.

Well, the little mullet man failed to produce, and it seems his stock is falling fast in San Diego.

That challenge I laid out to Flutie even got some of my readers riled up, in fact here is a quote from an email from a reader named Mike S., he says:

“The beauty of "cut & paste" is that it's going to save you typing "Doug Flutie is great, and I don't know Jack about football!" about 19 extra times.............

I was seriously worried about having to do that, but ultimately I wouldn’t have minded all that much, because I am longing for Flutie to succeed. Well Mike, it looks like I am going to have to do without the “beauty of ‘cut & paste’” until I lay down another challenge to the mullet man. But the sad part is; I am afraid I may never get the chance.

Number 2

Ok, Number 2 is dedicated to my Dad, the Dolphins fan.

Sorry Pops, but even though you will consider this as more gloating, I have to tell everyone the story of you and I watching the game together, because it makes for good typing, and good reading.

Remember when I said that Rule #1 in sports betting is to never bet on your favorite team? To refresh those who don’t know, I say that because you are set up for the dreaded double whammy (loss in game, and loss of money). Well, I am a staunch believer in that, and I rarely waver from it, because it has proved true for friends of mine, and I am a big believer in karma.

Well, this week I was tempted, and I even strayed from my own rule. My Dad lays this line on me on Saturday afternoon, “How confident are you in your Niners?” And just as he is saying this he is pulling out his wallet and brings out a $10 bill. (We are big spenders)

I look at him.

I look at the money.

I get that sudden rush of adrenaline, I get the sudden urge to stand up for my team, and I get the sudden urge to bet on the 49ers.

(I can’t resist, I’m like Fred Flintstone in that episode where whenever anyone says bet to him, he goes crazy and starts saying “Bet? Bet! Bet! Bet! Bet! Bet! Bet! Bet! Bet! Bet! Bet!”)

I say to my Pops, “Ok Dad, you’re on. I’ll put down $10, but I don’t want you complaining when I take your money on your 29th wedding anniversary.” “The only one who will complaining is you” he says to me. The stage is set for my Pops and I to watch the game together and talk trash the entire game.

But before I tell you about that, let me also admit that I wavered from my rule not once, but twice this week. I was at a small Christmas function with my workmates from the office on Saturday night, and one of those workmates is a guy named Cole, who just happens to be a Dolphins fan who has talked a fair bit of trash to me about the 49ers. So, earlier in the week Cole had mentioned the game, and asked me if I wanted to put money on the game. I didn’t reply, instead I tried to dodge the question, because I was afraid of the dreaded DW (double whammy). Well, at this Christmas party, I was having a good time, and it seems that the liquid courage (the booze) got the better of me. I went up to Cole, we talked some small talk, he introduced me to his wife, I introduced him to Mrs. SuperZim-to-be, and then I said it…

“So, do you still want to put some money on that game tomorrow?” I ask. (I can’t believe I am doing this, but I have gone too far to go back)

Cole smiles and says, “Ok, but nothing serious.”

“5 bucks.” I say. (Again, I am such a big spender)

“Done.” Cole says.

There, I did it. I placed two ill-conceived bets on the 49ers; I set myself up for two DW’s. When I woke up on Sunday, I thought for sure that I had jinxed the Niners.

Well, let’s just say that when Cole walked into the office this morning, he threw the $5 dollar bill on my desk, and walked away, without saying a thing. I felt great, and I didn’t even have to gloat because Cole was so disgusted with the Dolphins effort.

(OK! Sorry about that Dennis Miller-esque tangent! Back to the story about my Dad and I watching the game together.)

So Dad and I tune in on the NFL Sunday Ticket, channel 406 if I recall. We tune in just in time to see Jay Fiedler throw his first interception, and then the Niners promptly march the ball down the field and punch it in with Kevan Barlow. 7-0 us. Karma be damned!

“It’s still early.” my Pops calmly adds. So the game goes on and at halftime the Niners are up 14-0, and my Pops is suddenly not as loud as he usually is. On a normal day, you can hear him yelling at the refs or the players from down the street, but today he was unnervingly quiet.

“Hey Dad, mind if I have one of your beers?” I ask. “Sure thing son.” Dad says. So, I drink the beer, we watch the game (in silence) and the Niners go up 21-0 after a 3rd quarter drive that took up more than 11 minutes. By now, I should be dancing on the ceiling, I should be pointing and laughing, I should be talking trash!

But I’m not. I am sitting there, with my Dad, watching the football game, and not really saying anything. Why? Well I could have trashed Dad and the Dolphins for the entire 4th quarter, but I didn’t want to. Not because I felt sorry for Dad or the Dolphins, its just that, I suddenly remembered last week’s game where Dad and I watched the Niners get blown up by the Rams, and Dad didn’t make a disparaging remark to me. So I guess I didn’t talk trash out of respect for the old man, because if the roles were reversed, Dad wouldn’t have said anything more than, “I told you so…” and “Thanks for the 10 bucks.”

Now don’t get me wrong, after the dust had settled, and we were all out for supper that night, I started to give the old man a bit of a hard time. I told him that I didn’t mind taking his money on his anniversary, and that he should have known better, but it was all in good fun. And he re-assured me that all was ok, when he came back with a rather witty retort, “Talk it up son, but you know that beer you had during the game? It was a $10 beer, so pay up.”

(Good one Dad.)

And come to think of it, watching the game in silence was fun too. Not solely because the Niners were winning, but because Pops and I were sharing one of those moments that you just don’t forget.

(Ok, enough of the mushy stuff…)

Number 1

All I have to say here is…

It feels freakin’ great to be at 10-3 and IN THE PLAYOFFS!!!!

Until Next Time…