What a weekend! There were more comebacks than a night at "The Improv"! I love it!

Gambling Udate: Zim vs. The Wife

My Ticket:

ATL @ PIT – ATL to win

CIN @ BAL – BAL to win

NYG @ MIN – MIN to win

MIA @ NYJ – NYJ to win

Potential Prize: $213.56

Recap: Ok, so I was officially done when the Vikings decided to put their season in the tank and wait till Red McCombs gets the balls enough to fire Mike Tice and deal Dandy Moss. However, that bizarre tie game between ATL and PIT didn’t help either (more on that later). I am seriously running out of weeks to win something.

The Wife’s Ticket:

HOU @ TEN – HOU to win

SD @ STL – SD to win

SEA @ WAS – SEA to win

OAK @ DEN – OAK to win

Potential Prize: $604.62

Recap: I warned her. I tried to tell her. But she just will not heed my sagely advice. She smiled and told me she was betting against the Titans because the Texans had better odds. Ok, fine. I can respect the gambler in you for that. But when I tried to warn her about picking 4 road teams on the same ticket as well, she scoffed and said, “Well, we’ll see. And because you give me such a hard time, and poke fun at me in your column, I am not sharing my 600 bucks with you when I win.” Well babe, as much as it pains you to read this, I knew as soon as you picked those 4 road teams to win that your ticket had as much chance of winning as Mike Martz did of winning “Ebony Man of the Month”.

Number 10

Was I right? Or was I right?

Last week, I said that Payton Manning desperately needs a running game to succeed. So this week, what happens? He gets a ‘hun from a no-name named Mungro (which sounds like something the “Crocodile Hunter” would scour for rare reptiles) and then looks brilliant with his play action fakes and tosses for 3 bills against that vaunted Eagles D.

(Man I’m good. But wait, it gets better…)

Last week, I wrote that Donny McNabb needs help. I said that one or two bad games from him equals one or two bad losses for Philly. Well? McNabb has an average day and gets no help and Philly loses an ugly one.

Number 9

If there is one thing I know, it is to never bet on a sure thing. I said that when the Raiders were rolling into St. Louis with a 4-0 record to face the 0-5 Rams and limped out after getting beaten up.

I said it again this week to my buddy Mike who was heading down to Denver for the MNF game against his beloved Raiders (by the way, expect a column later this week on his experience). I told him, I like the Raiders’ chances in Denver because if there was ever a sure thing for this week, this game would be it.

Bottom line? When contemplating a game like the ones I mentioned. Heed “Zim’s Second Rule in Sportsbetting”:

When something seems like a sure thing, be sure to avoid it. Besides, the return on the bet will be minimal.

(You know, for someone who has such stringent rules for sportsbetting, you would think that I would be more successful with regards to winnings. Hmmm… maybe one week, I will throw caution to the wind and break all my own rules and see what happens. Stay tuned…)

Number 8

Wow, are things bad in Minnesota or what? Quarterback of the next decade Dante Culpepper benched in favor of Todd “Take a” Bouman?

To all the Vikings fans out there, first off, what the hell are you doing cheering for the Vikes? And secondly, do any of you remember when your squad was 15-1 and the class of the NFL?

Ummm, yeah, me neither. Seems like an eternity ago, doesn’t it?

One positive though, how fast is Michael Bennett? Holy crap, I haven’t seen a RB run AWAY from DBs like that since the days of Bo Jackson.

Another thing, for those of you who wasted your number one fantasy pick on Randy “Dandy” Moss. I feel your pain, believe me, I do. Its bad when Andre Davis (your last pick overall) is performing better than the receiver who is supposed to break all of Mr. Rice’s records.

Number 7

Mr. Rice.

From here on in, the greatest football player to ever grace the field of play, Jerry Rice will be referred to as Mr. Rice in this column. He deserves that much respect.

Nevermind the fact that he plays for the hated Raiders. Nevermind the fact that he dons that hideous Silver and Black each week. Nevermind that he seems to enjoy it. Nevermind that he is playing like a 28yr old ever since the Niners labeled him washed up and ready to retire. Nevermind that wherever he goes, he makes QBs better than they thought they could be. Nevermind that he could still be in the Crimson and Gold if it were not for TO’s pining.

Nevermind all that.

What I will mind is the fact that this cat just logged TDs number 200 and 201. I will mind the fact that he is like 40 ahead of second place in that category. I will mind that he is 4th in the league in receiving yards right now, and tied for 4th in receptions at age 40. I will mind that whenever he is open space, no one seems to be able to cover him.

That is why he is to be referred to as Mr. Rice from here on in.

Number 6

Looks like the Arizona Cardinals were just kidding around when they got off to that fast start. They actually had some people believing that they could run with some of the big boys.

Well, the joke is over.

The Cards have fallen back to their reality of mediocre play, thanks in large part to sudden fumbe-itis between Jake Plummer and his center. How in the name of all things fundamental can you fumble three times in the red zone?

Wow, talk about finding a way to lose.

And how bad are things at RB for Arizona? They are going to have to start waterboy turned NFL back Marcel “Sinking” Shipp next week because they are thinner than Kate Moss at running back.

Where is Michael Pittman when you need him? Where is Larry Centers when you need him?

Number 5 - Awards Time

I like offensive football. No, check that. I LOVE offensive football. Go up and down the field and dare the other team to do so, I say. Rack up more yards than a 16 game season of Tecmo SuperBowl, I say. I love it.

I also like to see records get broken. I like to be able to say where I was, or what I was doing when I saw a certain significant milestone get broken. But not all records. In fact, I do not like to see anyone approach any of the records that any past or present 49ers player has established.

Case in point. MNF. Gannon had reeled off 19 straight completions, and I am enjoying it. That is until the MNF staff decides to bring up the all time record for consecutive completions. Sitting atop that list? None other than the legendary Joe Montana.

Suddenly, I am hoping a wild boar will run wildly onto the field and tear Rich Gannon’s right arm off.

Anyway, Gannon gets this week’s “Zim’s Top Ten Man of Steel Award” for his brilliant performance. 34 of 38 for 352, 3 touches and no picks. Not to mention 21 straight completions. Not a bad day Rich.

(Apologies going to Marc “Headed for the Bench” Bulger, Tommy Maddu”XFL” and Plaxico Burress.)

One would think that the “Miss Tessmacher Award for Stupidity” would automatically go to Ed Reed for his Leon Lett impression. But not this week. Don’t’ get me wrong, what Ed Reed did was incredibly stupid, but what I have for you people is even better.

This past weekend there were some CFL playoff games played en route to the highly touted Grey Cup game. So, the British Columbia Lions are playing at the Winnipeg Blue Bombers for the chance to play in the west final. Waning minutes of the game. Fans are obviously boisterous by this time, as Winnipeg is blowing out BC. Apparently, one fan took offense to something said by one of the BC defensive backs, because he somehow managed to run onto the field, past security and an official, and proceed to make a form tackle on the unsuspecting DB. Well, what this fan must not have realized was that, in his alcohol induced insanity, is that football players are a lot bigger when you get out of the stands and onto the field.

So, to make a long story short this fan’s attempted tackle did not work out. He bounced off the player, who turned and proceeded to deliver right hand after right hand to his stupid fan’s touqued melon. Better yet, other players enter the fray, some intent of pulling the fan out of the fists of fury, others intent on planting a size 13 cleat mark on this cat’s visage.

Good times. Well, I wonder if that dude who tried to be a tough guy and beat up a measly DB enjoyed his beating at the hand (and feet) of one as well as his complimentary night in jail.

Number 4 - Quick Hits

- San Diego completely blew that game against the Rams. They had three or four chances to put it away.

- If I was someone who hated the Rams (and I am) I would be hoping that Martz decides to start Warner next week. I mean, it’s the smart thing to do, to bench the hottest QB in the league, right? Right?

- I told a lot of people last week that I liked the Bengals chances against Baltimore, and I honestly did. I just didn’t realize that Jon Kitna would decide to throw to the other team in the red zone all game long instead of his own players.

- Is there anything funnier than seeing Coach Visor (Steve Spurrier) get so mad that he actually throws his precious visor?

- Those yellow ABC Sports blazers that Michaels and Madden were sporting on MNF’s 500th game were terribly ugly when compared to the feisty number Melissa Stark was wearing.

- Chicago, I warned you about tempting the wrath of Lady Luck, now didn’t I?

- Tennessee is an ugly football team. They win ugly and lose ugly.

- Has the NYPD put an APB out on Vinny Testeverde yet? Well they should, nobody has heard from him in weeks.

Number 3

A tie? A tie? Are you kidding me?

Well, with all the craziness that has gone on so far this season, would you expect anything but?

That ATL – PIT game was a dandy, by far the best game of the weekend. So, how fitting that it would end in a tie, don’t you think?

Ok, so here is what I got from that game. Maddu”XFL” and company race out to a big lead, and proceed to squander it in the 4th quarter at the hands (and feet) of Vick “So Quick its Sick”. Both teams botch attempts at GW field goals, and the Steelers are too chicken to attempt a 50yd try in OT. The Falcons get the ball last (or so we thought) and try a 55 yarder to win the contest, but have it blocked by the Steelers. So, with all but no time left, the Steelers heave one up for grabs, only to have Plaxico come down with it a gimme putt short of the goal line. Game over.

Wow. I am tired just writing that.

Now, I know this was a tie and all, but who lost this game? Honestly, who is the loser here? For my money, I would say the Steelers are. Why? Well, to squander a 17pt cushion is one thing, but to be too feathery to attempt a 50 yarder to win is another. It showed lack of faith in his squad, and how do you think that is going to affect his kicker’s confidence?

Who does Cowher think he has back there kicking? Kris Brown? Why not give his kicker a chance?

And as for that Hail Mary hauled in by Burress just short of the goal line? Luck. Wouldn’t have come to that if Cowher had the guts to send his FG unit out there for a 50yd try.

By the way, I did say that Maddu”XFL” is going to fall back to earth, remember? Now, tossing for 470 and 4 touches isn’t exactly a tumble, but he did cough up an untimely pick that almost cost his team the game. It is looming friends, trust me on this.

Number 2

The Fav-ruh roll continues.

Are those Packers on a roll right now or what? Granted, a 40-14 win over the Cowardly Lions isn’t anything to boast about, but having the chance to wrap up the NFC North before Thanksgiving is.

Ok, let’s look at what’s happening in Cheese-land these days.

Fav-ruh is rolling, second in the league in passer rating with 101.7. Ahman Green is rolling, among the league’s top 10 in rushing. Donald Driver is emerging, sitting 11th in the league in receiving yards and top 20 in receptions. The defense is healing and is climbing the league rankings each week.

Everything looks peachy right?

Well, remember what I said about “sure things”. Remember that GB plays the lowly Vikings next week in Minnesota and will surely be favored by at least 10pts.

Green Bay fans, be afraid…. Be very afraid…

Number 1

A ho-hum day at the office for the Niners. Defense was stellar, holding Priest Holmes to his lowest rushing total of the year (also thanks to a Tony Gonzalez holding penalty that nullified a 43yd scamper). Offense was, umm, ok.

That’s it. That’s all I got.

This was quite simply, an ugly non-flashy win for the 49ers, and to be quite honest, if it wasn’t the 49ers playing in it, it would have even made the “Quick Hits” spot in this column.

But alas, the Niners are winners again, and now sit at 7-2 atop the NFCW. Chalk another W up for the Niners in their increasingly difficult schedule, while the Chiefs continue to look like wildcard pretenders. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the Chiefs are a bad football team by any means, in fact, I still think that they will challenge for a wildcard, but I think that they are just too one dimensional these days.

But back to the matter at hand. The Niners win and the Chiefs lose in an ugly game.

SO ugly in fact, it’s enough to make Dick Vermeil cry. (Oh wait a minute…)

Until Next Time...