Welcome, one and all, to another season of “Zim’s Top Ten”! This is the first installment of a weekly article where I take my own slanted look at the happenings in the NFL over the past weekend.

And what a great weekend to get us started, don’t you think?

The games were awesome this weekend, we had overtimes, we had surprises, we had blowouts, and we had the Rams losing!

(Oh, sorry, my Ram hatred seeped through there… gotta get back to the purely objective sports writing…)

Anyway, here we go, starting off with a new addition to the “Top Ten”, called:

Gambling Update: Zim vs. The Wife

Much has been made of my precious 2-dollar wagers at my local lottery kiosk. Ever since last season, when I won the huge some of $115 on a $2 bet, I have been letting my readers know how things have been going with my NFL gambling. I play a game called Pro-Line, where you pick the winners/losers or a tie for the games of your choosing and go from there. This season, my wife has decided to get in on this with me, and she makes her picks based on nothing at all, pretty much by how she feels that day, and how much she likes the team’s name. Naturally, I told her that she was going to be destroyed by me, and we have made a side bet on who will make the most in winnings this season.

(For some reason, I think she is going to beat me… but anyway…)

This week, our tickets looked like this:

My ticket:

MIN @ CHI – MIN to win

STL @ DEN – DEN to win

ARZ @ WAS – ARZ to win

DET @ MIA – MIA to win

Potential prize: $178.63

Recap – Ok, obviously I am a “little” rusty here. I got killed early and my ticket was confetti before the afternoon games even started. I honestly thought I was good to go on this ticket, but the Arizona loss and the Chicago overtime win did me in.

The Wife’s Ticket:

PHI @ TEN – TEN to win

SD @ CIN – SD to win

ATL @ GB – GB to win

SEA @ OAK – OAK to win

Potential prize: $39.81

Recap – Looks like The Wife has got this NFL thing figured out! Although she didn’t win, due to the Tennessee and Green Bay games being decided by 3pts or less (which in this game is considered a tie), she did go 4 for 4 and was close to getting a big lead in the winnings race.

Ok, now onto the new-look “Zim’s Top Ten”!

Number 10

Ok, bottom line? Detroit is a bad, bad football team right now. They were absolutely obliterated by the Dolphins on Sunday, and it seemed like they didn’t even want to put up a fight after falling behind 35-7. Who let’s Miami put up 49 on them? Miami is NOT that good people, but Detroit sure made them look that way. Actually, any team that can make Jay Fieldler look really, really good is a really, really bad football team.

Oh yeah, nice choice of teams in free agency Az Hakim. Who wants to bet me $10 that he is not exactly happy with his agent right now?

On the upside for Detroit, Joey Harrington did not look too overwhelmed in his limited, pity-driven playing time. He actually made some nice throws and I can see why Detroit picked him where they did. By the way, has Detroit EVER had a good QB? In recent memory, I really don’t think so.

(And if anyone mentions the name Charlie Batch, we can’t be friends anymore…)

Number 9

ATTENTION FANTASY FOOTBALL MANAGERS! DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT GO OUT AND PICK UP CHAD MORTON THIS WEEK!

Even though I know that people will not heed my warning, I still have to throw that out there. I know there are going to be guys who saw what he did to the Bills on Sunday, who will be bugging league commish’s to pick him up. Don’t waste your time people. Morton had a good day, no check that, he had a great day, but he will not score 2TDs for the rest of the season.

I can guarantee that.

Not unless Curtis Martin’s leg falls off and Richie Anderson is lying in a hospital bed, will Morton see significant action in the backfield for the Jets.

Remember, one good game on special teams does not a legend make. Case in point, Desmond Howard.

(When you people start listening to me?)

Number 9b

Did anyone watch that Baltimore / Carolina game? Uggh… I didn’t think so. Two ugly teams in an ugly battle for the spot of least entertaining team to watch this NFL season.

Number 9c

Speaking of ugly, how about that MNF beating the Steelers got last night? Kordell looked like the Kordell of old, throwing picks, fumbling, looking lost in his own offense, while the Pats looked like...

...Well, they looked like the Champs.

When am I going to stop betting against those Pats for crissakes? Ever since Brady took over I have been betting against them, because I didn't think Brady could do it. I should have known better than to bet against a Michigan alum. Anyway, I think I am going to start betting FOR them soon, just so they start losing games...

Number 8

Ok, time for me to say what I think of the perennial de facto SuperBowl favorite Tampa Bay Bucs. Every year the experts say that TB is vastly improved and will challenge for the NFC crown, and every year the Bucs make a fool of them on Week 1.

What an UGLY loss that was, don’t you think? I mean, Tom Tupa was dead in the water during that last play, his kick was going to be blocked, and his only option was to try to get rid of the football somehow. But the way he tried to do so looked SO bad, it is almost a picture of what NOT to do when pressured with the ball…

…Unless you play in the “throw the ball to the defender’s gut with your wrong hand while falling backward” league. The only current players in that league are Ryan Leaf and Matt Hassleback. Anyway…

Also, I think that seeing kickers try to make something happen with the ball is truly one of the funniest things in football. I mean, it ranks right up there with QB’s trying to tackle, doesn’t it?

Anyway, I still think that TB is too talented NOT to contend this year, but this loss, albeit in OT, is not the way to get the Gruden era started.

Let’s not go without mentioning the Saints here, I mean, they should have won the game three times over. They wouldn’t have needed OT if the defense hadn’t pulled a Swiss Cheese act in the 4th quarter. But on the plus side for New Orleans, I think Aaron Brooks and Deuce McAllister played very well, and they will be a formidable duo this season.

Number 7

The best game of the weekend, I think, was the Tennessee – Philly game. It did lull to the point of excruciating slowness in the 3rd quarter, but the finish was exactly what I needed to see on opening weekend.

Eddie George is finally healthy, and you can tell too, he made some nice cuts during the game and looked 10 times better than he did last season. Granted, he didn’t rack up huge numbers, but he did score a couple TDs and came through when the Titans needed him. Also, where did Derrick Mason come from? Talk about your quiet, effective killer! This guy racked up 100+ yards on Sunday and looked like a top-flight receiver in this league. The funny thing is, I don’t think I would have considered him a threat, even if he had a gun to my head!

About Philly, how can you let that game get away from you? The dominated everywhere in the 1st half, but looked tired and lethargic in the 2nd. Money McNabb got sacked too many times and looked like he was hemmed in by the depleted Titans’ defensive line throughout the 2nd half. New acquisition Dorsey Levens looked old and slow, but Antonio Freeman looked great, and I think he will be the Eagles’ leading receiver this season (if he can’t beat out Pinkston and Thrash, something is wrong).

Number 6

My cool underdog pick for the week was Arizona over Washington (which is evident by my betting on them), and dammit, I almost got it right. Arizona had that Skins team held down until the 2nd half, and then just couldn’t win the shootout. I really like Arizona this year, and although they don’t have a prayer of making the playoffs, I think they could surprise some teams (just not the Redskins, apparently).

I am still not sold on the Redskins and Spurrier, and I think that his “Fun n Gun” offense is going to be exposed and blown up this season. I mean, there is a reason that Shane Matthews couldn’t hang on with other teams in the NFL, but as soon as he comes to Spurrier’s system he’s a ProBowl-er?

Not a chance.

Beginner’s luck, I say. Trust me on this, the Redskins will be below .500 this season. Spurrier is no genius, no matter what he tells you.

Number 5: Awards Time

Time for a new installment to the “Top Ten”, something I like to call “The Awards Section”. Every week, I will reserve spot 5 for a couple of weekly awards.

First off? The “Man of Steel” Award to this week’s top performer, and the winner is none other than the famous, perennial ProBowl player, hall of fame bound – Kelly Holcomb?

Huh?

Kelly Holcomb, the prototype by which all career NFL back-ups are modeled, played a stunning game on Sunday for the Browns. His line looked like this: 27 of 39 for 326yds, 3TDs and 0 INTs. That is a ProBowl day by a no bowl player! Nice work Kelly, and thanks for coming out, but don’t throw out that ball cap and clipboard just yet, because as soon as Tim Couch is healthy, you are gonna need them.

(Special mention goes to Priest “The Little Back that Could” Holmes, who scored 4TDs in that Chiefs win and looked very, very good in doing so, almost Sanders-like.)

Next up, the “Miss Tessmacher” Award for Stupidity. This week’s winner is none other than Dwayne Rudd, who cost the Browns the game with his premature celebration. I mean, how could you be THAT stupid? Wait till you get off the field before you throw your helmet dude! Even if he had just ran the other way flexing or something else idiotic, the Browns would have won! But no, this guy had to throw his helmet in the air like he just won the SuperBowl or something! What an idiot! Actually, the Browns should have won the game, they let the Chiefs creep back in slowly, when they should have just poured on the gas and won the game going away.

Note to every player in the NFL: Never, under any circumstances, remove your helmet while on the field… unless you want to earn the preceding dubious award.

You think Butch Davis is very happy about what happened? Man, if I were Dwayne Rudd, I’d be calling in sick all week.

Lastly, is the “Fantasy Player I Wouldn’t Want on My Team” award? Gus Ferotte. Gus is a decent quarterback, but it seems that any QB who dons the black and tiger-stripes is destined to be the lowest rated QB in the league. Poor guy, better yet, poor fans, because they have a great defense and RB there, they just need some stability at QB to contend for that division.

ATTENTION BOOMER ESIASON! Please come out of retirement…

Number 4

How about that Michael Vick? This kid is unbelievable, isn’t he? All athleticism all the time! I think that the Falcons are going to make some noise this season, and Vick is going to electrify crowds along the way. Seeing him take the Packers to the brink yesterday convinced me that he belongs in this league and isn’t just some other random running QB, he’s going to be special.

Number 4b

Speaking of unbelievable, how about that Houston Texans win last night? That game was so heated, it could have passed for a playoff game! I love true regional rivalries, and I really wish there were more of them in the NFL these days.

Number 3

Ok, I have to say this. John Madden is a genius. Well, maybe not a genius, but he knows football better than anyone out there. I saw him in an interview on ESPN’s NFL Countdown on Sunday and he said that the biggest factor in the day’s games was going to be special teams, he said that guys aren’t going to be ready to play special teams and that it could decide a few games along the line.

Could he have been more right?

He also said that because starters only play a quarter here and a quarter there in the preseason, they are going to be tired and some guys may fade late in the game.

Again, he was dead on with this one too.

Look at how many games were pretty much decided by special teams, and how many teams faded drastically in late stages of their games, and THEN try to tell me that John Madden doesn’t know football.

Number 2

I called it. I have to say this. I called the Denver upset over St. Louis. (But can you really call a win in Week 1 an upset? I’m not sure.) I was the only one in my office pools with the gall enough to put some serious stock in that game. I knew that Denver was going to beat St. Louis, don’t ask me why, I just knew it.

Now while I don’t think that the Rams are going to spiral uncontrollably to a 5-11 record or anything, but I think that they are not going to be the powerhouse they have been.

Again, don’t ask me why, I just know it…

Number 1

Now, just like every week, this spot is reserved for my thoughts on my beloved 49ers game.

(So all you non-49er fans just better get used to it.)

Ok, that Thursday night game was a stinker, wasn’t it? Both teams didn’t really have any rhythm, and it was pretty much a blah game that both teams needed to get out of their collective systems. Their defenses were solid, the Niners especially, but it seemed that the only reason they were solid, is because neither offense could get much of anything going.

(By the way, Jamie Winborn had an amazing day for a guy who is only starting because of an injury to Jeff Ulbrich. 16 tackles, 12 solo? Are you kidding me? That is a great night. Anyone who watched the game will agree that Winborn was ALL over the field that night and looked utterly dominant.)

Everyone was on Terrel Owens for not producing throughout the game, but he stepped up when his team needed him, hauling in a catch and rumbling 33yds to set up the always-entertaining field goal try by Jose Cortez. The best part about the game was the fact that Owens did not try to shift the blame for his lack of production onto anyone else, he knew he dropped some passes and he was cool with it. Sounds like a player who has grown up a little to me.

Bottom line is, the Niners need to get better to live up to the surprisingly lofty hype that they have generated thus far, and with the Rams looking mortal these days, the time couldn’t be more right.

Until Next Time…