Welcome to Week 2 of the illustrious “Zim’s Top Ten” weekly NFL column! Today’s theme?

“Home field advantage don’t mean squat!”

Can you believe all the road victories this week? Man, there were like 11 road-wins this week! What in the name of all things holy is going on? Parity at its finest, I guess…

But such parity does not bode well for a betting man like myself, or for fans of favored teams, as we will see in this week’s column.

Let’s get onto the Top Ten for Week 2!

Gambling Update: Zim vs. The Wife

My Ticket:

GB @ NWO – NWO to win

DET @ CAR – DET to win

ARZ @ SEA – ARZ to win

OAK @ PIT – OAK to win

Potential Prize: $215.62

Recap: Damn those abysmal Lions! I had a great feeling about my ticket early Sunday morning, but thanks to M&M’s latest offering for the award of crappiest teams of all time, my ticket was shot down in a blaze of Rodney Peete’s overachieving glory. Sooooo close!

The Wife’s Ticket:

JKV @ KC – KC to win

DET @ CAR – DET to win

TEN @ DAL – TEN to win

BUF @ MIN – MIN to win

Potential Prize: $28.72

Recap: Well, well… Looks like the Wife doesn’t have this NFL thing figured out! Her game picking criteria of whose team mascot seems “meaner” failed her this week. She went O-fer, and will now have to head back to the proverbial drawing board.

(Side note here, the Wife asked me why my tickets are always worth so much more than hers, and I told her that I tend to pick some games that have longer odds than she does, so now she has decided to accompany me to the local lottery kiosk and choose her games not only based on mascot “meanness”, but also long-shot odds. Watch, she is going to have a $2 ticket worth about $800 next week.)

Number 10 – Pregame Thoughts

Following are thoughts I jotted down while sitting on my couch early Sunday morning munching Fritos, drinking a iced cappuccino and watching the pregame shows as best I could (thank heaven for picture-in-picture):

- Jerry Jones is a complete clown. He actually tried to stand there in front of the camera and tell the world that him entering the coaching booth during games does NOT undermine his coach’s authority… gimme a friggin break! Also, we should keep him OFF camera as much as possible… he’s frightening. Does anyone else think that he looks more and more like Bette Davis as the years go on?

- There is something seriously wrong in Denver. The relationship between Brian Griese and Mike Shanahan has deteriorated to an irreparable point. Just watching the two guys in interviews in the pregame made me believe that one of two things is going to happen this season in Denver, and neither of them involve Shanahan leaving Denver. Griese is either going to get benched sometime this season, or he is going to be dealt after the season. I just don’t think that Shanahan has a lot of confidence in Griese anymore, and there is nothing worse for a struggling QB’s confidence than a very capable back up QB sitting behind him quietly whispering in the coach’s ear. Will this affect the game today? I don’t know, but I can’t help thinking it will.

- There was a great piece with Jerry Rice done in the pregame, but Joe Theismann was kissing up so hard to Rice, I think “Lipsol” sponsored the interview.

- I don’t think anyone has ANY confidence in Kordell Stewart, Brian Griese or Jerome Bettis right now. From where I sit (my couch), those three cats are setting everyone up for one of those “Screw you sportswriter!” type of games today.

- The CBS pregame team of Dan Marino, Deion Sanders, Boomer Esiason and Jim Nantz is really, really bad. Marino, Sanders and Boomer have to good chemistry going, but Jim Nantz just doesn’t fit there. Anyone agree with me here? Nantz is like having Fred Astaire trying to do a show with the Three Stooges. Uggh… But I guess anything is better than Jerry “Belt-buckle” Glanville, Randy Cross and Mike Ditka.

Number 9

I’ll say this again: Detroit is a bad, bad football team right now, bordering on horrible. They looked utterly pitiful against the formerly woebegone Panthers on Sunday, and I don’t see things getting any better for them. They are well on their way to a 3-13 (at BEST) season, and I think that Morninwheg should seriously consider getting Joey Harrington more playing time. I mean anything that Harrington does can’t get any worse than McMahon’s performance, can it?

Things are going to change in Detroit, and I don’t think much of the change will be on field. So long Marty, we’ll see you in the unemployment line.

Number 8

(The only positive thing that came with the Niners losing this weekend was that the Rams lost too…)

Ok, I don’t want to brag or anything, but I DID tell you people that the Rams would struggle this season. Did I not? I thought that their style and systems were exposed in the SB and in week 1 against the Broncos, and this loss to the G-men has only reaffirmed my belief in that.

Now again I must reiterate the fact that I DO NOT expect the Rams to spiral downward from these losses, but again, I must state that I DO NOT think that they will be the power-house they have been.

But lookout next week’s opponent, the Bucs (on MNF no less), because there is nothing more dangerous than a cornered Ram… well, maybe there are a few things more dangerous than a cornered Ram, but I think you get my point here. I predict a St. Louis victory next week.

Number 7

Speaking of that Rams / Giants game…

What have you New Yorkers done with the REAL Kerry Collins, and who is this gun-slinging guy you all have replaced him with? Collins is ON FIRE so far this season, and by leading the underrated Giants to a convincing win over the Rams, he has looked like a pro-bowler. Holy Crap, he has thrown for close to 700yds already this season, and he is looking nothing like the fumble prone bum he was last season. (But he does have a 4 to 1 INT to TC ratio, so look out for that)

Number 6

How about them Arizona Cardinals? This team, although a divisional rival of the Niners, are a team I like, and I have always said that they are better than they often show.

Well, they showed what they can do this week by beating up on the new divisional rival Seahawks (are they looking bad or what?). Thomas Jones, what happened to you? Did you start drinking out of Barry Sanders’ old water bottle or something? 173yds on the ground? Is this a flash in the pan, or are you now ready to arrive? Time will tell friends, time will tell.

(I realize that I am tiptoeing on the edge of Niner blasphemy here, but I gotta give respect to the Cards for a nice win…)

Number 5 – Awards Time

Time again to hand out this week’s Zim’s Top Ten Awards for the weekly studs and duds.

Man of Steel Award: Drew Bledsoe 463yds? Are you kidding me? Bledsoe is on pace right now to throw for a mind-boggling 5872yds this season! Dan Marino! That is a lot of yards!

A change of scenery can do wonders for people and their confidence, don’t you think?

Miss Tessmacher Award for Stupidity: Jay Feely and Doug Brien. Feely, you cost the Falcons and Vick the Quick their first win this season by botching a potential GW FG after Vick the Quick did all he could to get you in range. Way to go, I bet no one wants to go out for dinner with you this week… Not that they would anyway…

Brien, you committed the “Cardinal Sin” for kickers TWICE this weekend, and essentially cost the Vikings the game! What kicker worth his salt misses TWO extra points in one game? A crappy one, that’s what… “Paging Gary Anderson! Please report to wardrobe!”

Stupid kickers…

Number 4

Did any of you enjoy seeing Steve Spurrier get his butt handed to him in a handbasket as much as I did last night?

Probably not.

Wow, did those Redskins look dreadfully slow on MNF, don’t you think? Their linebacking corps of Trotter and Arrington got outrun by everyone in the Eagles backfield, yes, even Dorsey Levens is included in that.

I got great joy out of seeing little Danny Snyder and Steve Spurrier squirm in front of a huge audience. Call me sadistic, call me negative, but I just enjoy seeing smug, arrogant people like that fail, and fail miserably.

Maybe Spurrier (heretofore referred as Coach Visor in this column) isn’t the genius that everyone thought he was, or told him he is?

That was a great game by the Eagles last night, on both sides of the ball, their secondary (which I think is second to none in this league) was all over the place last night and the Redskins looked like they were trying to force the ball downfield… I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that you can “force” Fun ‘n’ Gun…

Oh yeah, Coach Visor could could learn something from what Andy Reid did late in the game last night. Being on the 4yd line and looking at 4th and goal, Andy Reid did not try to run up the already bloated score of 37-7 by kicking a chip shot field goal, or trying to pound it in the end zone. No, instead he tried a simple off tackle run and gave the ball back to the Redskins with a little over a minute to play.

Coach Visor, take note of that, its what is called winning with class.

(Something Visor-man has shown he has little, or none of…)

One last point on this game, how about that bench clearing event late in the game? Some cops sprayed pepper spray to bust up a scuffle, and it leaked (or wafted) into the Eagles bench area. Talk about momentary hysteria! With all the shenanigans that have been pulled in the U.S. as of late, and this game being in Washington, I was really spooked there for a moment. You could really tell the relief in Al Michaels’ voice when he finally announced that it was only pepper spray, and that the game would resume.

Number 3

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that the Oakland Raiders would warrant this high a spot in my coveted Top Ten. Some of you are going to ask, “Zim? The Raiders, sitting at Number 3? What’s the matter with you? I thought you hated the Raiders?”

You’re right, I do hate the Raiders, more than almost any other team (except the Vikings and Rams). But after seeing that performance on Sunday night, where they dismantled the Steelers, I have to give them their long overdue credit. This is a good football team, peri-old.

(oops…)

I mean, period. Heh heh…

Yes, they do have more geriatrics than your local Legion office, but these guys are hitting on all cylinders right now. Gannon, what is your problem? Who goes 43 of 64 for 400+ in today’s NFL?

Holy singles bar! That is a lot of passes!

The Raiders are looking strong, and I congratulate them. But you all better enjoy it this year, because after this season, the Raiders are going to be in serious salary cap jail, and no I’m not talking the place where most Raiders’ fans end up after their games…

A side note here… I think those who root for the Steelers have to lay off Kordell a little, especially after Sunday night’s game. Kordell played good that night, and it is not his fault that the Steelers coughed the ball up 4 times. Kordell needs that running game to get going for him to be successful, and besides, do any of you actually think that Tommy Maddu”XFL” could do any better? Puh-lease…

Number 2

Ok, I bet ON the Patriots this week, and look what happened? Holy man, did they destroy the Jets or what? 44-7? I will now officially state this in “Zim’s Top Ten”:

THE PATS ARE FOR REAL! ATTENTION! THE PATS ARE FOR REAL!

They play well in ALL facets of the game, and they really don’t have any real weaknesses. Scary isn’t it?

By the way, how many of you fools went out and picked up “Hanging” Chad Morton (Berman, you’re a genius) this week in your fantasy leagues? I warned you, and you didn’t listen. I don’t know about you people, when will you learn?

Number 1

(Although they don’t deserve it this week, here are my thoughts on the Niners / Broncos game)

“The Steve Beurelien Curse” lives on…

You want the bottom line? Ok, here goes: (Be forewarned, this is gonna sting a little)

The 49ers were beaten by a superior football team on Sunday.

(I am not saying that the Broncos are leaps and bounds ahead of the 49ers everywhere, but this past Sunday, they sure looked like they were…)

The Broncos flatly outplayed them everywhere, and this is going to fuel the flame of doubt in those believing in the Niners to a full out blaze. However, there are positives (I am such an optimist) that can be salvaged from this beating, and those are things like the play of Kevan Barlow, and the play of the defensive line.

Truth be told (glaringly OBVIOUS truth be told), the Niners are NOT where they want to be offensively (ranked 27th in the NFL), and I don’t think we can blame the lack of preseason playing time for that. Nope, the blame lies in the fact that teams are essentially able to take away our passing game by double and triple teaming TO, and also in the fact that we are pulling a Titans scheme and refusing to throw the ball downfield. Until Streets, Stokes or Eric Johnson step up and present themselves as consistent viable DOWNFIELD options for Garcia, and threats to the opposing D, things are NOT going to change.

Now I have heard entirely too much complaining about the coaching on this Monday morning for my liking. I have to say this to my fellow Niner Faithful:

Relax. Take a deep breath. Count to Ten.

Every time there is some questionable play calling made in a game I hear the same thing…

“Mooch is too conservative, fire him!”

I can agree with the initial part of that statement, Mooch has been, and is being, too conservative for my liking. But let’s not call for his head after ONE LOSS! Let things sort themselves out and let Mooch do his job… and remember, it could always be worse…

The Niners could have Marty Morninwheg at the helm…

(I shudder at the thought…)

Until Next Time…