Gambling Udate: Zim vs. The Wife

My Ticket:

NE @ BUF – BUF to win

MIN @ TB – MIN to win

CIN @ HOU – CIN to win

STL @ ARZ – ARZ to win

Potential Prize: $174.24

Recap: Another week, another 2 bucks wasted. But this week, I have an excuse. When I checked the odds, I noticed that it was pretty much all or nothing with regard to underdogs and favorites. If a team was an underdog, it was paying out at like 4.40, but if a team was favored, they were paying at paltry returns like 1.40. So, to make the ticket more interesting (and worthwhile) I chose a few underdogs. And look where it got me. 1 for 4. Nicely done. I am getting so desperate, I may even consider betting on the 49ers next week. Then again, maybe not.

The Wife’s Ticket:

TEN @ IND – TEN to win

PHI @ CHI – CHI to win

SF @ OAK – SF to win

WSH @ SEA – SEA to win

Potential Prize: $80.20

Recap: Oh so close for the Wife this week. Even with my constant warnings, she still held fast with betting on her favorite team (at least she didn’t bet against them) and it looks like the Football Gods were smiling on her this week. I also must commend her on picking the Niners over the Raiders too, but that call is bittersweet, because that is the game that cost her the money. Had it not been for the overtime 3pt win, she would have claimed 80 bones and would have had a huge lead in the winnings race. See, in this game, if a game is decided by 3pts or less, it is considered a tie. Good work babe, but close is only good in horseshoes and gynecology.

Number 10

Have you ever been around a group of guys, talking sports, and one guy casually mentions something regarding the game on the TV, and just as he mentions it, the exact opposite thing happens? Does anyone know what I am talking about here?

Case in point, yesterday, my local sports bar, with a few guys, watching the Philly/Chicago game. Fox suddenly breaks to highlights of the Bucs/Vikings game. We see Karl Williams score a TD and I say, “Hey, I thought that was MeShawn who caught that…” My buddy Mike pipes up and says, “Whatever Zim, Johnson doesn’t score touchdowns.” And no more than 1.7 nanoseconds after those words left his mouth we see MeShawn Johnson haul in a short TD catch.

Truly high comedy. Mike’s face was priceless. You can’t make this stuff up. We laughed, and we laughed harder when a highlight of MeShawn grabbing another TD catch came on about 10 seconds later.

Good times… I love being a guy…

Number 9

Every week we see a real stinker of a game, don’t we? Every week we see a 9-6 shootout, or a 12-9 barnburner, and this week was no exception.

Detroit outlasted Dallas 9-7 in a game that must have had lower ratings than HeeHaw reruns.

The battle of rook signal callers didn’t pan out all that well, as Pickled Harrington looked, well, like a rook in this contest and Chad Hutchinson looked awful. He looked overwhelmed, jumpy, uncomfortable and genuinely lost in this game. How many times did he fumble? Like 317? Jeezus, Coach “Cliché” Campo should have done a little better job with his protection schemes to protect his rookie QB. I mean, if I had a rook under center, I would be calling a lot of max protects, and possibly moving the pocket around so the defense can’t tee off on him.

What an ugly game. But I have to congratulate the Lions on surpassing their win total from last year. 3-5 is nothing to be ashamed of boys, it is leaps and bounds ahead of 2-14, I can tell you that much.

How about Dallas? Where do they go now? I mean, now that Emmitt has gotten the record, what do they do now? Do they shelf Smith in favor of Hambrick? Do they just fold up shop and wait for the draft? Deal Emmitt?

Number 8

Finally, the champs come out swinging. After getting pummeled like Rocky did at the hands of Apollo for the past 4 games, they finally came out with some swagger and some toughness and beat up the Bills 38-7.

Does Coach Belly read this column per chance?

Although the Pats’ Antowain Smith did gain 111yds on Sunday, I am still leery of the fact that the Pats are still unable to effectively run the ball and have abandoned it for the pass, but they did a smart thing in throwing a lot of screen passes. You see, for those of you who don’t know, the screen pass is as close as you can get to running the ball without handing it off. The linemen are out front, the pass is high percentage, and the back gets room to move. Add into that the fact that, if run correctly, the defensive line is already behind the play, and the screen pass becomes an even deadlier weapon. Now I wouldn’t call Buffalo’s defense good or fast, but the Pats did a smart thing in letting them over-pursue and dumping screen passes by them.

Now what happened to the Bills? They looked rather inept didn’t they? Bledsoe threw for 3 bills, but other than that, nothing else went well for the Bills. I guess when you are way behind you have to throw the ball all the time, so I can see the big numbers for Bledsoe.

You know what bothered me? The whole “did the Pats keep the wrong QB?” side story. I mean, this isn’t even a valid argument, it’s not even worth talking about. The media made so much of this it truly became annoying. Do any of you actually think that the Pats braintrust were thinking that? It was not Brady’s fault the Pats were losing games, that blame could be placed on the defense and the scheming in recent weeks. Just a stupid attempt to stir up semi-controversial comments from either side.

Number 7

Whoa. The Bengals are officially OFF the schneide. The got win #1 over the expansion Texans in a game where they were labeled underdogs by the oddsmakers. UNDERDOGS TO AN EXPANSION TEAM?

Wow, you know you are bad when…

Well, they can breathe a little easier now, since that ever-elusive first win is not clearly notched in their orange and black belts. The three-headed QB monster that the Bengals utilize finally had a good day, and this game it was Jon Kitna who got the nod. He tossed 4 scores and NO picks during the day, and actually only had 4 incompletions. Not bad.

Now does this mean there is reason to smile in Cincy? I’m not sure. But with games coming against Baltimore and Pittsburgh in the next two weeks, there might be.

(Pittsburgh you ask? Well, let’s just say that I am not one of those who believes in Tommy Maddu”XFL”. There is a reason he couldn’t hang on with an NFL team over the past 10 years, and we will see why in the coming weeks. **Earth to Maddux. Earth to Maddux. Come in Maddux. Come back down here where you belong. Over**)

One guy I know who will not be smiling, ever, is Corey “Why in the name of all things Holy did I re-sign here and for the love of Christ please trade me elsewhere” Dillon.

Number 6

What have I always said about the Chicago Bears? Come on class, all together now…

“Last season they were more lucky than good…”

Well, it looks like their luck has run out. How does a 6 game skid feel to the team who went 13-3 last year? Yikes, that’s gotta hurt.

Lady Luck smiled on those Bears last year, and they reaped the rewards of it. But now, Lady Luck has more than turned her back on them, and it is because those Bears never acknowledged her last year. All season the Bears said that they were winning all those close OT game because they were good, never once considering the fact that Lady Luck was waiting for her due credit. And now, for never giving credit where credit is due, the Bears are mired in a 6 game losing streak where they have seen more bad luck than a “National Lampoons” movie marathon.

In fact, I think I will start referring to the Bears as the “Chicago Griswalds”.

Number 5 - Awards Time

This week’s “Man of Steel” is none other than the always-controversial Terrell Owens. He had a monster game against the Raiders, hauling in 12 passes for 191yds. Although he did not get in the endzone, he did make the key play that set up the GW field goal.

This week’s winner of the “Miss Tessmacher Award for Stupidity” also comes from the 49ers. This week, the nod goes to Jose “and the Pussycats” Cortez. Not only is he a kicker, but he is a kicker who missed a 27yd field goal to win the game at the end of regulation. What kicker worth his salt misses a 27yd chipshot? Cripes man, its not like it was off to the side or anything, I mean, Garcia made sure the ball was spotted in the middle of the field for ya. How much easier do you want it to be? Also, that kick wasn’t even close, I mean, it was probably 10 to 12 YARDS wide left. Holy crap.

I’ve seen fishing lures with less of a hook on them!

Somehow I think that Cortez’s job is not all that safe this week…

Number 4 - Quick Hits

- The Indy Colts are still a team who no one knows what to expect of them from week to week. One thing I can say is that Peyton Manning sorely needs a running game in order to succeed.

- The Cleveland Browns will never win another game if they only gain 193yds in total offense and only have the ball for 17:00 minutes. Bank on that.

- Does anyone realize that Mike Vick threw his first interception of the season this week?

- Philly needs more help for Donny McNabb.

- The Rams are back to their winning ways, and they can thank Marshall Faulk for all of it.

- Tiki Barber had his one game of the year where he looks like a top flight NFL back. Now he can go back to being mediocre until next season.

- I don’t think anyone in the NFL saw that Jets drubbing of the Bolts coming. If they say they did, they are lying.

- By the way, was that Herman Edwards tirade not one of the funniest things we have seen or heard all season long? I seriously thought he was going to cry. Instead of bringing profanity into his tirade, he brought in references to doing what your mother says when its lunchtime. Quite possibly the sound bite of the millenium.

- There is no team I like to see lose more than the Raiders (with a close exception going to the Rams).

- Come to think of it, I dislike a lot of the teams in the AFC.

Number 3

You want to talk about tough? Think Brett Fav-ruh. Torn knee liggies and all, this cat struts out for his 165th straight start and lead the Pack to a convincing 24-10 win over the now pitiful Dolphins.

Over the past few years, I have grown to like and respect Brett Fav-ruh more and more, and it is because he has so much fun playing football. In case anyone else has forgotten out there, football IS a game. A game folks. A game that SHOULD be fun to play, and for Fav-ruh, it is.

Much has been made of his toughness, but I think that there is another thing about him that is so endearing to us, the football fans of the world. You know what it is?

It’s because he doesn’t take himself too seriously. He doesn’t talk in the third person. He doesn’t sport grape sized diamond earrings. He doesn’t shamelessly self-promote. He does hunt. He did drink. And he IS a regular guy.

A regular guy with a cannon for an arm.

Everyone who follows the NFL (even remotely) knows that Fav-ruh is the heart and soul of that Packers team. We all know that Fav-ruh is the lynchpin for that entire team, let alone offense. If he goes down, so does the Packers’ season.

We all know it. Every other team in the NFL knows it. Yes, even Brett Fav-ruh knows it.

But the best part about him is that he doesn’t act like he knows it. He doesn’t act all worldly, or so important that it comes off as smugness. He is a regular Joe who would sit and have a coffee with you just as quickly as he would bust your ass for dropping one of his laser-like passes.

What a great player. What a great man. The NFL will lose a whole lot more than his statistical contributions when he hangs the #4 up for the lure of bow hunting in a Wisconsin forest.

Number 2

Ok, so last week I question why the Bucs can’t score points and what do they do? They go out and score 38 and Brad Johnson throws for 5TDs. Granted, this outburst came at the expense of the woeful Minny Vikes (I love it), who’s defense is so bad they couldn’t stop Peter King’s daughter’s Montclair NJ field hockey team. Nevertheless, it seems that the Bucs decided to come out with a “screw you sportswriter” type of game.

Now does this cure all that is ailing the Bucs? Nope.

Does this game get a lot of press off their backs? Yup.

Do they have Zim fooled into thinking they are a contender? Not a chance.

The Bucs have a great D, this much is true, but if Brad Johnson is your QB, you don’t stand a chance at winning the SuperBowl. I will state this now, for the record (as I did for the Dolphins)…

The Tampa Bay Bucs will never win a SuperBowl with Brad Johnson as their QB.

(By they way, is Brad Johnson a chin-strap undoer? Regardless, I still don’t like him. Maybe its because he’s about as quick as molasses in January.)

Number 1

What a performance by the 49ers on Sunday.

They simply dominated the 4th quarter and overtime with smart play from Jeff Garcia, and it was a joy to watch. The Niners converted time and time again on 3rd down, keeping their offense on the field, and essentially drained the life out of that Raiders defense.

Speaking of defense, did Charles Woodson look bad or what? TO abused him all game long, so bad in fact, I think TO should send C-Wood flowers and a card thanking him for the constant 6-7yd cushion.

Speaking of Owens, it seems that he has finally got back on track after a slow start to the season, and I think that he can thank the emergence of Tai Streets a little for that. Streets has looked great since he got in at the expense of Stokes’ injury and although Mooch says that a guy will not lose his job to injury, it has to be hard to put Streets back on the bench when Stokes gets healthy. Especially considering how well Streets has played in recent weeks.

Also we can credit Mooch and the coaching staff for this offense finally finding its rhythm. They have finally opened up the playbook and have started challenging defenses as opposed to taking what they give. The Niners have too many weapons to be playing like that. I am a big fan of really taking it to a team and making them adjust at the half, instead of the opposite.

As mentioned in the awards section, “No way” Jose Cortez sucks. He needs to be fired. Send him packing. Who misses two FGs inside of 30yds? Not a pro, that’s who.

See ya “No way” Jose, I think Doug Brien is holding a spot for you in the unemployment line…

Until Next Time…